1. Welp. I guess we've already started on the first step of fertility testing and treatment, since I went to the OB last week to get a bunch of hormones tested for my irregular cycles. I am still waiting on the results, but the path from here is: a. treat whatever is wrong, if there is anything. b. Take clomid, which may treat some things. c. Cross my eyes and keep ovulating like an unmotivated three-toed sloth.

I have though about this, and talked to my DH about this, and he is deferring to me, since anything we'd have to do happens to my body, not his, but there is a limit to how much treatment I'd be willing to do. I'm a little leery of taking Clomid, but I am tired of this crap, and think ovulating regularly would just be spectacular. Beyond that, I wouldn't pursue IVF. I loved being pregnant, but if I am going to have to spend a lot of money on a process, which is physically trying and still has plenty of potential for disappointment, I am more comfortable closing the door on that, getting over it, and looking into other paths for my life, like adoption. (Or just going batshit and going to med school or something instead.)

2. I will do the standard fare of non-invasive tests. Ultrasound, quad screen, etc. We will be getting a fetal echo. Unless a specific weird circumstance arises where something like an amnio will give is very important information that outweighs the risks, I won't do it.

3. The motivating factor for me in choosing to test is that my not-testing changes nothing. I do not need to live in false naivete just so I can wrest a few more moments of innocence before I get bad news. I found a way to enjoy my pregnancy with Caleb even after his diagnosis, not that it was a walk in the park, but I still enjoyed my time. And innocence is dead. I am very much the type of person where if things are going to suck just tell me now, so I can deal with it.

Another motivating factor is that testing can give information that changes decisions, and things can be done before it's too late, or more difficult. Had we not known about Caleb's heart defects, I would have delivered at a different hospital, and had to deal with him being transferred to another hospital. We would have had no time to learn and cope and accept his condition; it would have been a complete blindside. He was also doing very well when he was born; his vitals would have likely belied everything that wasn't working right. I could have taken home a baby who would have been fine until his PDA closed, and then he would have gone cyanotic and died suddenly. I think that would have been much harder to deal with, even though it would not have been my fault, I feel that him being born with us knowing all that we could about his heart defects, and being in a place to do everything possible for him makes the bitter pill easier to swallow.

Melissa - your last paragraph spoke volumes to me. We found out Matilda had BWS at 28 weeks which allowed me time to read about it and get used to the idea. This meant that when she was born we weren't blindsided by it and could just focus on her not finding out what this syndrome was and what it meant. Like you, it also meant that we know we gave her every possible chance by being monitored so closely during the pregnancy, delivering in a hospital with a NICU, and having all the specialists on hand when she was delivered. I also was able to enjoy my pregnancy despite all the unknowns we were dealing with and I'm so grateful to have had that time.

Off to bed now - will be back to reply to the other questions tomorrow.

This is my fourth pregnancy - one early loss, one living child, one 37 week unexplained stillbirth. I'm still pretty minimal in the testing I do - there isn't a test that would have prevented Micah's lost, and tests that return percentage chances feel pretty meaningless these days. I did have a fair amount of testing done before conceiving - if there was any medical evidence pointing to another loss, I would not have tried again. But now I'm just trying to keep things as calm and normal as I can. Testing didn't save Micah - I had a normal ultrasound hours before he died.

Of course, we're doing the standard testing, and I'll follow any suggestions my midwife (CNM in a shared practice with OBs) makes. I had one consult with a high risk specialist and he agreed that there was no reason to treat me as high risk unless it was to make me feel better. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't.

So far at 15 weeks, I've heard the heartbeat once, I've had a few blood tests, and that's it. It will either be ok, or it won't, I guess, and somehow I have to live with that uncertainty. There's no test for that.

This is my fourth pregnancy too. One living child, followed by an early miscarriage and then a loss at 20 weeks (actually a termination, I'm not sure how many of you know that, but the baby had such a high and long spinal defect that he was declared incompatible with life, so we decided to deliver him early to spare him any suffering, and maybe to spare us and our living child some suffering too). So I will be getting a lot of testing this time around, although hopefully most of it will be minimally invasive. I have been on really high dose folic acid since we found out about the baby, and I will continue that through the first trimester. I am also having bloodwork done every two weeks and will probably have several ultrasounds too, pending the results of the bloodwork. And then at 12 weeks, 16 weeks, and 20 weeks we have to go for high-risk ultrasounds with a perinatologist. Spina bifida and other structural defects are what we are most at risk for, and those should be pretty easy to identify with ultrasound. If they see any evidence of chromosomal problems, we will have to decide if we want CVS or an amnio, and I am still kind of undecided on those.

Being pregnant now, it's really hard for me to believe that I will actually be taking a living baby home with me someday, so I am just going to fly by the seat of my pants and make decisions as they come up. For my mental well-being, I am just trying to not get too far ahead of myself. I am in complete agreement with you Bridget, it will either be ok, or it won't.

In general though, I do believe in prenatal testing, for the reasons you guys have already talked about. I personally would rather know what I am dealing with and be able to learn about it before any decisions have to be made. And obviously, it's important to have the right people on hand to deal with any issues that come up.

Since I don't have any living child and being a mother has always been one of my big dreams, I think I will do anything that may help me conceiving again. With that said, I have to say I would be very scared to go through an IVF and sometimes I do feel worn out and tired of all this.

My big debate is whether I would do an amnio if I do get pregnant. I don't know why my son died. They weren't able to do a karyotype and my doctor suggested me to do an amnio in the next pregnancy. But there are risks. It will be a tough decision. As for the non-invasive tests, these I would run them all.