ttc | pregnancy | birth after loss > Does anyone else have a new partner?
I don't but just wanted to say I'm thinking of you...
August 13, 2010 |
Monique
Monique
Hi Shellie - it's great to see you here.
I don't have a new partner, nor am I pregnant again. But I can see why this can easily be a source of tension and complication for you, just knowing how it is to be around friends and family who don't understand how things are in the aftermath of babyloss because they don't fully understand how it feels.
How much have you been able to communicate with your husband about your previous loss and how it affected you? Has he ever read anything from babylost parents about loss and subsequent pregnancy?
I'm thinking that maybe a book or some blogs might help him to have a better sense of what you've suffered and how it changes things afterwards. Perhaps a book like Elizabeth McCracken's, which is short and beautifully accessible and universal (and covers her second pregnancy following the stillbirth of her first son) would give him greater insight in to the perilousness of the world you are in? Another might be Pregnancy After a Loss by Carol Cirulli Lanham.
Barring that, perhaps a session with a counselor or therapist - alone or together - who specializes in pregnancy loss could be beneficial to help you better express your feelings and frame them in a way that he can understand.
Some compromise may be necessary, but the feelings in it all. Gosh, that must be such an isolating, crazy-making sort of feeling. Please know you aren't alone in your pregnancy after loss and how you are feeling.
I don't have a new partner, nor am I pregnant again. But I can see why this can easily be a source of tension and complication for you, just knowing how it is to be around friends and family who don't understand how things are in the aftermath of babyloss because they don't fully understand how it feels.
How much have you been able to communicate with your husband about your previous loss and how it affected you? Has he ever read anything from babylost parents about loss and subsequent pregnancy?
I'm thinking that maybe a book or some blogs might help him to have a better sense of what you've suffered and how it changes things afterwards. Perhaps a book like Elizabeth McCracken's, which is short and beautifully accessible and universal (and covers her second pregnancy following the stillbirth of her first son) would give him greater insight in to the perilousness of the world you are in? Another might be Pregnancy After a Loss by Carol Cirulli Lanham.
Barring that, perhaps a session with a counselor or therapist - alone or together - who specializes in pregnancy loss could be beneficial to help you better express your feelings and frame them in a way that he can understand.
Some compromise may be necessary, but the feelings in it all. Gosh, that must be such an isolating, crazy-making sort of feeling. Please know you aren't alone in your pregnancy after loss and how you are feeling.
August 14, 2010 |
eliza
eliza
hi Shellie. i'm with the same partner, but i wanted to suggest that you might want to post your question on http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.com/ - sometimes people who have a specific question write in to there. if you don't have a blog you could just put up your email (with suitable 'remove this bit' added to help prevent spam - or you could just set up a new email just for this so it doesn't matter). there are an awful lot of people who go to that blog daily and i'm sure someone will be dealing with those issues.
and we are all here to support you when you need it. thinking of you and your twins. do you want to tell us about them? we'd love to hear it you do. (sorry if you've already told us about them elsewhere but i couldn't see that you have)
and we are all here to support you when you need it. thinking of you and your twins. do you want to tell us about them? we'd love to hear it you do. (sorry if you've already told us about them elsewhere but i couldn't see that you have)
August 15, 2010 |
B
B
Shellie,
I'm sorry about the difficulty you and your husband are having...I know it just exacerbates the hurt and anxiety you're already feeling. I'm also sorry that my response to your post is a few weeks out, but I didn't see it until I looked for you today after seeing your response to my post.
As you know from reading and commenting on my post, I have been going through a similar situation with my husband, with the exception that we are TTC and not pregnant. Congratulations on your pregnancy. I hope that your husband is right in this case that the doctors will get the baby here, but I completely understand your anxieties also. They are normal, trust in that.
I hope that the discouragement that you mentioned in your counseling sessions is due to all of the emotions that are exposed now, and that the discouragement and polarization dissipates as the freshness wears off. l also hope that you and your husband are able to get back on the "same" track--or at least parallel mindsets headed in the same direction. Men really are different beings than women in not only the way they hear new information, but in how they process and convey it. I'm learning that the coping mechanisms my husband has shown with the news of my past loss are hurtful--and we must learn to communicate about these things in a less hurtful manner--but they are not necessarily a sign of love or hatred, just of how he is trying to understand and deal. I hope your husband can find a way to be here for you, as best as he can, right now. I think that his willingness to go to therapy is a sign of that.
I completely understand the pain that feeling isolated from your current husband because of a past lost can inflict. But please know that you are not alone in your feelings.
Thinking of you,
P
I'm sorry about the difficulty you and your husband are having...I know it just exacerbates the hurt and anxiety you're already feeling. I'm also sorry that my response to your post is a few weeks out, but I didn't see it until I looked for you today after seeing your response to my post.
As you know from reading and commenting on my post, I have been going through a similar situation with my husband, with the exception that we are TTC and not pregnant. Congratulations on your pregnancy. I hope that your husband is right in this case that the doctors will get the baby here, but I completely understand your anxieties also. They are normal, trust in that.
I hope that the discouragement that you mentioned in your counseling sessions is due to all of the emotions that are exposed now, and that the discouragement and polarization dissipates as the freshness wears off. l also hope that you and your husband are able to get back on the "same" track--or at least parallel mindsets headed in the same direction. Men really are different beings than women in not only the way they hear new information, but in how they process and convey it. I'm learning that the coping mechanisms my husband has shown with the news of my past loss are hurtful--and we must learn to communicate about these things in a less hurtful manner--but they are not necessarily a sign of love or hatred, just of how he is trying to understand and deal. I hope your husband can find a way to be here for you, as best as he can, right now. I think that his willingness to go to therapy is a sign of that.
I completely understand the pain that feeling isolated from your current husband because of a past lost can inflict. But please know that you are not alone in your feelings.
Thinking of you,
P
September 23, 2010 |
P
P
Does anyone else have experience with a new partner since your loss? Any tips on communicating about it with new partner?