I´m now 19 weeks pregnant after a loss in December 2009. Sometimes I´m alright and sometimes I feel like I´m falling apart. My husband wanted to try again right away but I wasn´t sure if I was ready, either way we concieved March 2010. I had 3 friends who´s due dates were within days of my original due date and 2 other friends who were due within a month. I am so happy for them, they all have their babies here (4 boys and 1 girl) and each one of them is so beautiful.

My husband doesn´t want to talk about the first baby, not ever. My original due date and my 12 week ultrasound fell on the same day, which also happened to be my birthday (june 2nd). As each of my friends posted their new baby pictures and wrote me, in very carefully worded messages, I was happy, but naturally heartbroken. We all knew my baby was supposed to be here with me but nobody said it.

The ultrasound went well, a healthy little baby whom I am so grateful for, but it was a hard day too. I was in the same hospital where the previous ultrasound showed no heartbeat, where I had the D&C, and where I had my follow up appointments. I had tried saying that I was sad, anxious, broken to my husband a few days before the appointment, but he got angry with me and said it´s like I want this to happen again.

I know he´s hurting as well, but I feel like I´m alone. He acts as though this is our first pregnancy and that my first baby is nonexistent. I feel alone. I´m going for my 20 week ultrasound in a few days and the fear and anxiety is starting to set in again but I know I have nobody to talk to.

Thanks for listening, I just needed to get that out.

i'm sorry things are so hard for you edith. i'm not surprised though. it must be incredibly difficult. i'm sorry you lost your baby.

my husband has basically erased our first baby from his head. it was just a miscarriage to him, not a baby. which is hard, because we were 17 weeks pregnant before we found out the baby had died, and he had been excited and believed it was a real baby since the very beginning. it's hard for me to accept, but we both do all we can to accept that it's different for each of us. it's hard though.

i'm not pregnant yet, but i can anticipate the fear. is there anyone else you feel comfortable talking to about it? i have discussed it with many people - friends, family, my GP and my midwife. they have all been very understanding and supportive. i hope there is someone who can do the same for you. but we're always here anyway.

i hope the 20 week scan goes well.

I'm sorry, Edith. Sorry for your loss, but hopeful for this pregnancy. It's hard for men, this whole loss thing. Women work through their grief by talking about it. I tell my birth story over, and over, and over. For women there is healing in the talking, but for men there is fear, anger, and sadness in the talking. It is too true what they say about men and women grieving differently. I agree with B, we are here, but if there is someone you can talk to in real life that is good too. I will be thinking of you as your 20 week scan approaches. Please let us know how it goes. And know you are not alone; we're sitting here with you. If you ever want to talk about your first born, or write out your birth story I am willing to listen. Also the lovely Kristin just started a wonderful blog where we can share our stories. It is http://facesofloss.blogspot.com/. Hugs and love.

Thanks so much for responding. I don´t have many people here to talk to because I´m living in a foreign country. My family in law speak very bluntly about the baby, and if I´m honest, they´re hurtful without meaning to be. My mother in law will say things like ´are you taking showers at night still, I told you not to do that or you´d make the baby sick´. I´m not going to argue with her because I´ve already explained (in my 2nd language no less) that the baby had a genetic abnormality and wasn´t viable. Other than those instances, nobody brings the baby up. The health system here is very different and I basically see a different doctor at every appointment. I generally don´t have time for questions as everything is really rushed.

My scan is tomorrow morning so I´ll update here afterwards. I´m feeling really anxious (of course) and am just counting down time until the appointment.

Again I´m so glad I have somewhere to talk a bit about this as I have no family within 2000 miles, but I´m sorry that you know what I´m going through, I wish none of us understood this.

i hope your scan goes well edith. we'll be here for you whatever happens.

i found it hard to cope and my family is only 200 miles away. 2000 is far too far. and i'm sorry your family-in-law are blunt and hurt you. i wish i could think of something to suggest but all i can say is keep coming here, keep talking to us. we're here for you.

Just wanted to update and let everyone know that my scan went perfectly! We´re having a little girl and couldn´t be happier! I know I´ll need to come back here for support because even though I´m thrilled about this baby, I still have times that are really hard. Particularly the fact that I go to the same hospital that I had my D&C in for the ultrasounds, today I cried all through the scan, happy and sad.