Hello all - I'm new to this website (and SO thankful for it), new to the baby loss world and new to reaching out and commenting at all (major lurker here).

We lost our son 9 weeks ago at just over 31 weeks to a placental abruption - no risk factors existed. He was delivered via an emergency c-section. Yesterday was his due date.

We are thinking about TTC again. Any thoughts on how soon is too soon?

I have so many thoughts going through my mind about another pregnancy- risks of secondary infertility (we were so lucky the first time, it happened quickly) , dealing with grief, ability to love another child (yes, of course I can so why does this scare me? This is the most confusing thing to me!), acutally being pregnant again (if I'm so lucky) - how will I handle that....

I feel like all of these "things" will always exist, wether we TTC now or 6 months from now. I know we want the joy of living children so my thoughts are to just start trying now....
We are meeting with a high risk dr on 7/30. My OB doesn't consider me high risk but I want tests done and a few questions answered.

I appreciate all your thoughts.

Welcome Suzanne. Sorry to read about the loss of your sweet boy. I would love to know his name if you feel like you can share it. It's been eight weeks since my daughter died. We're waiting until September to start ttc. We are going to meet with a perinatologist in August and then try again. I think ttc and timelines is different for everyone. Some start trying again right away because of age, or difficulties getting pregnant the first time around. Others wait a long time, or never ttc again because it's scary and stressful. If you feel like it's time for you to try again, go for it. Most doctors recommend six months healing time because that's what the textbooks recommend.

Meet with the high risk doctor, get your questions answered, have a good, long talk about this with your partner, and then if the time feels right, it feels right. That's the best advice I have.

Sorry your sweet boy isn't here with you, but glad you found us. Much love.

Hi Suzanne. I'm so glad you are reaching out - welcome.

I need to jump back to work, so this will be brief (I'll come back later and expand, as brevity really isn't my thing :P).

One - the emotional timeline for recovery and trying again is complex and very unique. Some people need to jump right back in, others need time to process. There is no right answer there and there are pros and cons to both approaches.

Two - You need to ask a lot of questions about pregnancy after c-section and when the right time physically is to try again. Women definitely do get pregnant relatively quickly after c-sections and have perfectly normal and healthy pregnancies, but ideally, your uterus needs time to heal and recover. The risks of miscarriage, placental abruption and uterine rupture are higher the sooner the you get pregnant. Since you aren't pregnant yet and are considering this, it's worth asking about and factoring that into your overall plans and decisions.

Remembering it can take one cycle or over a year, it's hard to gauge when the right time to try is with something like that. The risks may be greater or lesser in your particular case, but I feel it's important to discuss that with your docs.

Back later.

Angela -
Thanks for the warm welcome and for asking his name, it is Tadhg (it is an Irish name, pronounced like tiger without the "er"). We always knew that if we had a boy, we'd name him Tadhg. My heart breaks for you, as much as I love having people here who understand, it makes me so sad to know we are all experiencing the loss of our babies.

Eliza -
Yes - I kept thinking in my situation I should physically need to wait longer than 3 months. My OB doesn't seem concerned at all about me becoming pregnant before 6 months. Although he said a vbac is out of the question and I'm ok with that after my particular experience. I'm really looking forward to hearing what the high risk doctors have to say at my appt on the 30th. Thank you for listing why this is a concern, I couldn't get a good answer on that and many drs have told me I don't have a higher risk of abruption in the future but that is not at all what I find online...
Looking foward to your next post! Thanks.

Hi, Suzanne. I'm so sorry to hear about Tadhg's death. He was a precious little person.

I agree with the other that every situation is unique and the "right" time is ultimately up to you. I too had an emergency c-section, necessary because of my daughter's abnormalities. It was 9 months ago today. My high-risk OB and peri both strongly encouraged us to wait at least 6 months. My c-section was due to my daughter's' abnormalities. At first, I really wanted to try again as soon as possible. But now I am glad that I could focus on grieving. For me, grief was strongest after several months.

At this point, I'm still reluctant to start trying again for a host of reasons. I'm not sure whether I will eventually just "feel" ready or will just need to open myself to it at some point, knowing that if I do get pregnant again, it will be extremely scary no matter when it happens.

All the best, Janel

So sorry for the loss of your little guy.

I lost my son, Sam, at 38 weeks. He was delivered via emergency c-section because the nurse thought she had picked up a faint heartbeat before an ultrasound showed no heartbeat.It turns out that it was my heartbeat all along.

My doctor told me it was best to wait 18 months between c-sections, but also said that she had many patients who had c-sections closer together. To be honest, we never used birth control after we started having sex again. We were ready for another baby and didn't want to wait any longer than we already had.

We conceived again in the fall of 2009. We now have a healthy baby boy who is almost 6 weeks old.

My advice to you is to do what feels right for you and your husband after getting all the medical advice you can. I wish you the best of luck with ttc.

xo,
Jenny

I don't think it's too soon. If you feel you might be ready then I say go for it. My hubby and I knew before our daughter was born that we would try again soon. (We knew that she wasn't going to live.)

Hi Suzanne,

I love the name Tadhg. I'm sure I'm not the only one to want to know the story behind the name

I lost my baby girl in February of this year and never went back on birth control. It took us 5 months to get pregnant with Stella because I have really long cycles so I figured between that and not really feeling up to being intimate as much it would take a while. But I found out in June that I'm pregnant, due January 31. You know, I read all the information about waiting and while I'm young, my husband is older and we didn't want to wait too long. I figure that maybe it is too early, physically I've ben told it's not, but everyone is different and everyone grieves in a different way. Part of me believes I will never get over the death of my first born so why wait a year and then the nine months on top of that! I am in no way denying my grief or sorrow over Stella's death but it has just become different. Sure, it takes a lot of strength some days to be healthy for the new baby and not constantly worry. But you and your husband only will know when it's time to try again.