So I thought I finally ovulated on cd 19. Everything added up, it was nice and neat and tied in a pretty package and all.

Except my temps dropped. Yesterday and again today.

And fertility signs have randomly shown up. Which is good, I guess, since we still have a shot. But . . . I'm tired of waiting to ovulate. I'm tired of drawing it out, and I liked it much more when I thought I was 4 dpo and a week away from answers than now when I find out I'm still days away (at least I really hope so, because we haven't had sex in three days) from ovulation.

So. Tired. Of. This. Bullshit. Especially since it gets harder and harder to maintain optimism about this. Just needed to vent.

And because I vented, let me also find something positive. My husband has been totally awesome and supportive and into this. He's asking questions about my charts, reviewing my opks (yeah - almost out of those, too), and being awesomely supportive. I will make sure to thank him for that again today. He's making it a lot easier for me by being so involved. Not that he wasn't before - he's always been a willing participant, but since we lost Gabe, he has been more of an active partner.

Sorry your body isn't cooperating and I hope you catch O when it happens and can get off this merry go round.

I'm so glad to hear your husband is supportive. I have no idea how I'd make it through this without mine but am very grateful because I know not everyone is this lucky.

Maddie x

oh, eliza. it all sounds exhausting.

weirdly, i've had a cycle like that too. my temp finally jumped his morning - CD 22. Four days later than the latest day it's ever jumped before, and days after my first properly positive OPK (I NEVER have a test line darker than the control line, until this cycle). and i am ENTIRELY sick of having sex. so's D.

so, i guess i'm just trying to say i relate.

i'm glad your partner's being so supportive and generally awesome, though. fingers still crossed that this is the month for us both.

Caution - living child mentioned.

I hear ya. We've been trying since my son was 10 months to give him a sibling. He's almost 3 now....no sibling. Just a zillion people asking when, and all the kids his age we know have already had a sibling or will in a few weeks. I'm getting older, the clock is ticking, and the pressure is tremendous.

It is exhausting. I'm trying to find positives here. One good thing is that we had a nice break from sex this weekend. Hopefully that means that if we have to have another stretch, we'll both be up for it and the sperm will be nice and fresh. Or something.

B - I SO know what you mean about being sick of sex. Oh, Lord, yes. Glad your temp finally jumped!

I would be ok with ovulation tomorrow or the day after, but it's hopefully not too late. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I've been feeling very anxious and stressed out since last week. We got official word that we are furloughing (only for a day, thank God) and there will be RIFs (essentially layoffs). But other than the furlough dates, we know nothing. Except that what was originally a 5% budget cut became a 10% cut (thus necessitating the RIFs) and there is still a possibility of another 5%. UGH. It's been stressful. I have been given a lot of reassurance that my position is most likely safe, but well. You never know 100%.

And I had to call the doctor's office FOUR times to get my anti-depressant prescription renewed. It was unreal. I was leaving messages begging them to call me back as I got down to the final few pills. And I wasn't sleeping well.

So I should not be at all surprised that ovulation didn't happen. Not the first time stress has pushed back ovulation.

But well, opk was negative today, and I still have ovulation pain, so hopefully we'll get a good shot. Right? I just want to be pregnant again.

Yes, stress does not help. I got very stressed out this months right after ovulation. I am trying my best to be relaxed and positive, but it is so hard!
I also got sick of sex this month, but my timing was really good. It will be very hard if I didn't get pregnant this time. I am already convincing myself I didn't so I don't get disappointed. I talked about that with my shrink today. I told her I would rather be sad than anxious. She doesn't think this is a good strategy, but at least it is keeping me from stressing and obsessing too much. Blargh!

I forgot to mention that I got a similar effect here. My husband is a lot more engaged now and I am really glad about it. It took a lot of weight from my back.

I hear you. This tracking is bullshit. We of all people should get a free pass. Ovulate on day 14 like clockwork. Have sex twice and get knocked up. Spend nine months with an aching back and (this is the important part) take home a live baby. Why is that so damned hard? My seventeen year old cousin managed it just fine. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Welp, I got the darkest opk yet today and my ovaries are killing me. So we're working out to decent timing anyhow, which is good. I just hope the egg and lining aren't crap.

But you know what? There are a whole lot of small things that are identical to the cycle from last year (Gabe's cycle). It's freaky. It really is. I know it's coincidental, but . . . I also am superstitious (no matter how much I wish I wasn't) and it's so bizarre.

Eliza, I was thinking about your timing this month, how everything is lining up with Gabe's dates... and how that makes ttc even more intense and emotional...

(Living kids ment. and kind of long story). Yesterday, I was talking to my MIL about how my due date is coming... and how hard it is that it is the day before Mother's Day. She was saying how strange it is that so many dates in our family match up. Then she gave an example. She has been remarried for about 15 years. Her husband (my FIL) had 3 boys from a previous marriage. His first son died at 5 months old. They thought he had the flu, took him to the hospital, were told he was getting better, and then he suddenly died the next day. Needless to say, this was obviously a horrible trauma for my FIL to experience. Well, my MIL proceeded to tell me that my 2 1/2 year old daughter's birthday is the same day as the day my FIL's son died. I never knew that before. My FIL didn't want to tell us because he didn't want us to think that her birthday is tainted by any sadness. I felt so crushed when I heard this, crushed that my FIL has to look at her and make such a direct association with his dead son. But then I had the realization: This is rebirth. This is life triumphing over death.

This is all just a long-winded (sorry!) way of saying that, if this is your month (and I so hope it is) maybe it is the same thing for you.

Hugs and fingers crossed.