For those of you who have traveled down this pregnancy-after-loss path, how did you tell people that you were pregnant again? I'm only 14.5 weeks but already showing. We have told our family members and a couple of close friends, but I find it terrifying to actually say the words, "I'm pregnant." I so appreciate how happy people are for us, but I don't even know how to respond in kind. Like many of you, we lost our daughter full-term - due to complications during delivery - so there seems to be no safe-haven in this pregnancy where I will actually be able to relax.

I'm just looking for advice. Jeanette's post about the weather, and it making it hard to cover up, made me realize the days are numbered where I can keep this under wraps.

Much love and many thanks.

Honey this was very hard for me too. We didn't tell Family until 13 weeks, we recently told friends at 20 weeks, and now at 21 I'm pretty much "out" (this is #3 and I'm pretty big already so no hiding it now). I just had to wait until I felt comfortable, which for me was after our 20 week ultrasound. You dont have to tell anyone that wont see you in person for as long as you want, you call the shots here.
Hugs,
Mindy

Breaking the news is so hard. We told close family by telephone, I told my closest friends in a joint email (that way no one was told first, so no favourites y'know?), and then I announced on my blog.
That still left a lot of people out, and I'm still telling people slowly, when I'm strong enough. I only told my next door neighbour last week, and that's because she came round and saw my bump.
Just take your time, and honestly, most people are just too scared to come right out and ask, so you can delay for quite a while.
Mindy is right, you call the shots here. x

What a great question. I'm not there yet, so I'm eager to see the responses. We told about Gabriel as soon as we saw a heartbeat, because we figured we would be safe (no heartbeats in the other pregnancies), and having had a miscarriage that was very public and one that no one knew about, we felt the first one was easier to deal with, so we'd rather have everyone know.

My husband says that he has no plans to announce the next pregnancy until after viability, so 24-26 weeks. And I think he might be serious. Given that we won't really see anyone, I suppose that's possible. But we'll see.

We live far from our families, and told no one until I was 20 weeks. And that only because we had family coming in around that time to celebrate my older daughter's birthday. I just showed up at the door visibly pregnant and answered in the affirmative to the stunned, "Wow, are you pregnant?" I had been clearly showing at work for many weeks by that point, but pretended nothing out of the ordinary was going on, and everyone was kind enough to me to pretend along with me. After we told our families, I officially told only the small handful of individuals at work who might be affected by the baby's arrival. And then, we never formally announced her safe arrival. Had it been up to me, I would never have told anyone until her birth. And then, only those in the "need to know" category.

Part of our hesitation was definitely feeling that I did not want to gather any kind of attention to the pregnancy, for fear of making the evil spirits take note. But the other part was that I was still very much grieving my lost son so that while I did feel joy (? is that right word?) in expecting his sister, the grief very much muted it. And also, in the midst of that grief, and so soon after his death, it seemed just wrong to celebrate, announce, anticipate. Like getting re-married within a year of your spouse's death.

We told our close friends and family very early in this pregnancy (around 8 weeks) as we decided that we needed a large support system from the beginning in case anything happened. (Also, it was hard to hide since I struggled with terrible nausea and am usually a huge foodie.) When we shared the news, we tried to use a sober tone... "Understandably, we have mixed emotions but are very grateful to be pregnant again...." "We are taking this pregnancy one day at a time..." We tried to telepath to our friends and family that we didn't want a huge CONGRATULATIONS from them. Instead, we wanted their support and good thoughts. Hope this helps.

this question still continues to puzzle me. after our loss we basically told anyone who would listen that we would eventually start trying again. everyone was genuinely happy to hear that, but once we actually became pregnant neither my husband nor i could open our mouths and say the words out loud.

personally, i blogged/e-mailed about it first. i damn near chickened out telling my best friend in the whole world while she was here on a visit. my other dear friend doesn't even know yet. i broke the news to my dad on the phone. that's really about it.

my best advice would be to break the news to your friends with the biggest mouths (c'mon, we all have those types of friends!) sometimes news like a pregnancy runs like wildfire, so you might luck out without having to tell the whole world. eventually though, you'll feel it's time to spread the news and you will.

telling is tough . . .
our family lives hours away and didn't really get to see me pregnant with my first son.
as a result, the support i needed from them when he died wasn't as strong as it could have been.
this time we told immediate family when the test turned positive so we could have the support we needed in case another baby died.
except i made my husband tell because i couldn't even say the "p" word.
i didn't tell any of my friends directly.
i told no one at work - until they guessed at 20 weeks when i had to start wearing my maternity clothes.
there is nothing like the fear during pregnancy after you've lost a baby and it was really hard to swallow congratulations when i was convinced that instead of a live baby, i would have another urn in my bedroom at the end of the pregnancy.
saying the "p" word makes you acknowledge this reality.
prayers and all the best for your growing little one.