We just lost our first baby boy , aged 1 month, 4 days ago to SIDS. We went to having everything we wanted when we went to bed the night before , to our world being torn apart. I am so lost, angry, sad, anxious. We haven’t even told everybody yet because I feel like letting everybody know will make it all that much more real. It is my husband and I and our two girls, aged 5 and 3. I haven’t even wanted to see any family yet , I am just not ready for all the condolences. I am trying to be strong for my girls and be active in their daily lives , they see me cry and give hugs and know I am missing Chase. My husband has taken on the role of doing everything as far as funeral arrangements and talking to people , but it seems like we are worlds apart which I didn’t think in the beginning it would be like that. The mornings have been horrible , each day it is so fresh and new , by the middle of the day I think I am numb and all out of tears ... and by the evenings I’m so exhausted, sleep is a relief from my thoughts . I am so scared to lose myself for my daughters , who don’t deserve to be living with zombies, I don’t want to miss out on their lives. I am trying to read as much as possible , finding out how others have managed to live through this and for some hope that there is life beyond this because right now it doesn’t seem possible. And I can’t help but think of the big question about the future ; will we have another ? We tried for a year for our Chase, and to have a boy , it was too good to be true. We were so happy and content and then everything was ripped away from us. I feel like I am rambling , but these are the constant thoughts in my head ... sleep is the only time my head is quiet so I have to force myself not to sleep away the day. I am just so heartbroken and miss my baby boy so much.

Dear Casey
I feel so sorry for your loss of sweet Chase, it’s horrible. I remember the time shortly after my daughter’s death and I can imagine what you are going through. Now, two years later, I still struggle, but the pain is sometimes less intense and certainly less often, so there is a life after. This life is different and never as innocent as before, but hang in there. For me it took maybe 6 months before it got a little easier. Take your time. Sleep if you need to sleep, listen to what your body and mind needs. Ask your family and friends for help especially for support in caring for your girls. Don’t worry, your children will understand. I also realised that the loss of a child must be different for mothers and fathers especially after the death of a baby. Try to communicate your feelings, his different perception is natural and not meant to separate you. When you start telling your family about Chase, which I would do because maybe you could benefit from their help, be as clear as possible about your needs. Some will understand, and some won’t. That’s not your problem. Try to be kind to yourself, soothe yourself, it’s about surviving the first days. Wishing you a moment of peace for today, we are thinking of you and your sweet Chase.

Dear Casey

I am so sorry for your loss of your sweet Chase. The early days are so dark. I understand the instinct not to want to see people (I felt this so strongly as well when my baby was stillborn) but I would encourage you to let a few safe, trusted friends in to at least help with your girls right now. It's also hard to do, but try to stay present in the moment and not go down the road of thinking what the future will look like too much. Just do what you need to do in the moment - take it one breath at a time, sleep, cry, whatever helps you survive that moment and get to the next. There is no question that Chase's life and death will change you forever, but that does not mean you won't be present in life or that you will be a zombie forever. The fact that you are already worrying about this makes me think that you aren't in any danger of going MIA for your daughters. I highly recommend finding a support group near you or, even better, if you can swing it, a therapist specialising in grief and particularly babyloss. It might give you some tools for navigating these early days and talking to your daughters.

Just as an FYI - this page doesn't get a lot of traffic - not as much as the "for everyone" forum, so you may want to repost there.

Sending you strength and thinking of wee Chase tonight xx

I am so so sorry for your broken hearts and the loss of baby Chase. This is my very first time posting at all on this site. I have been reading a lot of other posts on here as it has brought me comfort since I lost my baby son Peter on Sept 8 2019. I feel alone and reading posts here helps to know that I am not. I pray that you can take this 1 day at a time and you soon will find comfort. I have yet to find anything that makes me feel less pain. Can we email each other? I don’t have Facebook. Maybe we can just chat on this website. I’m just needing someone to talk to who knows this pain.

I am so sorry for your loss , my email is cmccbutler@gmail.com , I’d be happy to email with somebody as this is a very lonely experience ... thanks for reaching out

I lost my baby boy couple of weeks ago due to SIDS. Is there anyone on here who would like to chat. I am so heartbroken, this feeling doesnt seem to go away.