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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

parenting after loss > Bond to rainbow child

Hello everybody
I have been living with my rainbow boy for 4 months now, thankful from each day. His big sister died before birth at 36 weeks 1,5 years ago. Shock and grief have been hard, pregnancy tough and without hope, birth again traumatic and very exhausting. But we are here. Though I’m grateful for having my boy and enjoying times I feel the bond to him is difficult. To be honest I still sometimes wish he was her, which makes me feel really bad and sorry for him. Fortunately he seems to be a stable character developing just fine so far. I fear that the bond will even loosen more when I stop breastfeeding. Any experience from you how it might develop? Some time after his birth I developed a strong wish for a second rainbow sibling I am not sure why, sort of to not let him grow up alone. Now I am thinking it is bad idea. Thanks for any thoughts on this.
June 15, 2019 | Unregistered CommenterJana
Jana, I can really relate to this. I’m sorry about your daughter. This parenting after loss business is so hard, I think the ups and downs are what shocked me most at the beginning. The delirious happiness that my son was here, healthy after his sister died. The bawling that I’d never be up with her in the middle of the night or see her smile when she heard my voice. I think at 4 months post parfum your hormones haven’t really even settled yet and everything is still so new, that I would give it some time. Sending you peace mama.
June 15, 2019 | Unregistered CommenterAB
Not sure as I dont have a rainbow but I do feel a refusal towards my older son. I can't say it's the hormones as my daughter died over a year ago now.
I just think anything is possible as we all react so differently to such an impossible thing to live with.
Accepting what has been and the way we cope with it, whether we imagined it that way or not, is important.
September 2, 2019 | Unregistered CommenterMachaela
Thanks for your advice. Things did get a little easier, now 7 months after my rainbow’s birth. But the coexistence of grief and joy is still so very irritating, I can hardly manage keeping them in balance... actually I don’t. I feel like a torn leaf being dragged around, I find it hard to control the actual situation in my new real life. It is lonely even though my family is around. I miss you my little girl.
September 8, 2019 | Unregistered CommenterJana