Sometimes we have such bad, bad mornings trying to get ready and out the door to school. There is yelling and crying and I feel I should know better, be better, not be regularly failing so completely at being the 'good mother' - after all I've been through, after my daughter's death...isn't that a common narrative of babyloss? That we know better, that we don't worry about the little things - the day-to-day grind and bickering and unrelenting work - because we know what we've lost? Well, I'm just here today to admit to not living up to this narrative and to extend some love out to any other mothers who sometimes lose their shit and then *feel like* shit because of this whole perfect-mother story that haunts the babylost. I know I am a good mom. My kids are happy and know they are loved, deeply. Maybe I'm a better mom because of Anja's death, but I doubt it. If anything, I probably have less patience and more anger and more fear. But I'm still a good mom, and this is massively imperfect life we're living and so I'm trying to give myself a break, give *myself* a little love...and sending a whole lot of it out to any other imperfect mother who really needs it, too. We're not perfect, but we are good. xoxoxo

Dear JLD,
Thank you for sharing this and thanks for the love you send us :)
I also admit that I am not as patient as I wish I would be with my son, born after his stillborn brother. I was never a very laid-back person, so I do end up losing my shit (yelling at him) from time to time. I really regret it each and every time, especially if it happens in the morning before school and I don't see him until the evening.
We do the best we can, and we shouldn't have that extra responsibility just because we lost a baby/multiple babies and should know better and be grateful. I think any mother is grateful to have a healthy child, but we are also human beings. Being aware of our shortcomings and trying to raise above them is the best we can do for our children.
Take care, sending you love as well...