This week we will mark again, our living son's birthday. Two! He'll be two years old. Two years of wondrous joy and smiles, of learning & loving him, loving parenting a living child... for all the marvels though, there are times when his life has brought /does bring the absence of his big brother ( and all the holes in our family) even more clearly - and painfully - into my awareness... a birthday is one such time.
I guess I'm just writing really, to reconnect here, draw on the wisdom & love of those of you who have felt this, and ask how you/if you include your dead baby in the events & celebrations of your lives & living children? Thanks for reading x

Birthdays of living children are hard. For some reason, my son's - born after my daughter died - are not as hard as those of her older, living sister. I think because with E, her sister, I have such wonderful memories of her third birthday, just weeks before Anja died. And maybe because of the sister angle, the little girls. I feel more like I realize what I'm missing with E than with her brother, M. At M's birthdays, I'm so aware that if Anja had been born alive, he would never be with us. That is it's own special torture: to realize that if she didn't die, what I wish for over and over again, he would not be here and he is so incredibly delightful. I don't really have any words of wisdom about birthdays...just commiseration: it's so hard. We don't really do anything special to incorporate Anja on E and M's birthdays, though she is always there for me, and I always spend the evening, after everyone is tucked in and fast asleep, thinking of what her birthdays might have been like, what she should have had, who she would've been. Happy 2nd to your 2nd boy, and so much love to your first, your lovely Z.

This week we will mark again, our living son's birthday. Two! He'll be two years old. Two years of wondrous joy and smiles, of learning & loving him, loving parenting a living child... for all the marvels though, there are times when his life has brought /does bring the absence of his big brother ( and all the holes in our family) even more clearly - and painfully - into my awareness... a birthday is one such time.
I guess I'm just writing really, to reconnect here, draw on the wisdom & love of those of you who have felt this, and ask how you/if you include your dead


Where did time fly? They are hitting two our little rainbowbabies, marking that yet an other year that have passed without our angels. I too find birthdays difficult, both of my eldest who was 2 years when little miss s passed, and my rainbow. Those days has got an extra reminder of what we are missing out on with our miss s.
Last year I bearly managed to put together a party for our rainbow, I found it hard inviting friends and their kids, they all have kids the same age as my oldest and little miss s....
For your last question, no, we don't include little miss s in living childrens birthdays, but we celebrate little miss S's birthday and include here in ornaments for christmas on our three.