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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

parenting after loss > Scared when baby sleeps


I lost my son unexpectedly 2 years ago when he was 8weeks old. I found him in his cot.

I now have a beautiful 10 week old daughter and am finding my anxiety when she sleeps is getting worse, not better. I am petrified of losing her too. The horrible images & memories of finding my son - how he looked and how he felt are getting more frequent. I am scared every time I leave the room when she is asleep that I will find her dead on my return. I am unable to properly sleep at night. I also have a 4year old boy and find myself checking on him often in the night. I am driving myself insane!

I just wondered if anyone else has had a similar experience and how you dealt with your fears, anxieties & memories (if you had any)?
June 20, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterLindsey
Hello Lindsey,
I lost my second child during pregnancy... so it is not the same thing... my rainbow is now nearly 4 months. In the beggining I was just scared of everything, so yes, either me or my husband would be poking him every time he was asleep just to see if he was breathing.
I have one of those cots you put next to the bed. It stays at the same level as our matress so its like an small lateral extention of the bed...That sooths me a lot! It was lent by a friend, so we only started using it by 6 or 8 weeks. But during the night I can see him right next to me, and sometimes I extend my arm and let him grab my hand... the contact is enough to sooth both me and him.
But going crazy with fear, scared with unrational fear, yes I know the feeling! Even regarding my older daughter who is already 12.
I can only say that it subsided, this fear! And during the pregnancy, the closer I was to hallmarks, like the week I lost him, the date of his birth, etc, all this would put me completely crazy for weeks...

I hope that gradually you can relax a bit, rest during the night and just enjoy motherhood...
much peace to you

June 23, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMarta
I have been feeling the same way, although I lost my son in labor. I just gave birth to my third son (I also have a four year old) 1.5 weeks ago, and I am so scared that I will lose him too. He is sleeping next to my bed in a bassinet but I still have trouble sleeping. I am debating getting one of those breathing monitors, but our pediatrician does not recommend it. Has anyone else gotten one?

June 23, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterDA
Yes!!!!! I can't recommend the Snuza monitor enough. I got it with my rainbow and used it with our second rainbow as well. I would not have had a second of sleep if I hadn't. I used it for around 9 months with each baby. It absolutely saved my sanity.
June 24, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterShelby's Mum
We used the Owlet, and while it is a little pricey, it was worth the peace of my mind and the year of sleep. I highly recommend it.
July 1, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterX
Oh yes, Luckily my rainbow hated to sleep in here stroller, only slept on top of me or safly in a woven wrap so I could feel here breath during fattige. At night it was worse, I had trouble sleeping and still does if she doesn't sleep on my right side or if she sleeps in here bed, I'm constantly monitoring here breathing. Exchausting.
We also got the owlet and it saved me! I would not have slept at all without it. We lost our son at 10 days old with no explanation. I was a wreck with our daughter and knew I would need something so I could sleep. I have also heard good things about the snooza but don't know much about that one. It has now been 8.5 months and I'm still using the owlet. I think I will use it until 1 or maybe longer if I need to. It's my sanity at stake so if she tolerates it I will keep using it! Good luck.
October 15, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSusie