search discussions

glow in the woods

front page
the archives
what is this place?
the contributors
comment policy

Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

parenting after loss > Helping other parents - your input please

Dear all,

I am putting together a small leaflet/guide to hopefully help bereaved parents during the early days of parenting their "rainbow" (I don't like this term but it does the job - apologies). I read a lot (A LOT) when we lost Maia and again, when I fell pregnant with my son and I was shocked to find so little on those tricky early days with a newborn after you've had a loss. So, long story short...I am writing something to hopefully help. The idea is to make the leaflet available to anyone who needs it.

I'd like to get views from other parents that have gone through this. Could you spare 5 - 10 minutes to answer this survey? It's completely anonymous.


May 2, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterGaby
what a great idea Gaby, please post when you are able as I feel like that first month is going to be so hard, and no one will understand how hard it is.
May 2, 2017 | Unregistered Commenterstill0517
Gabe, this is a beautiful idea and it is so good of you to do it! I did not have any rainbow children, I did have two older children. However, I ran across this article recently. It is about the postpartum period and panic attacks, why they are so common and how they happen. I don't know if it is usable or useful to you, but I found it very interesting and it all made a great deal of sense. Of course, reading about babies, my mind always sees and reads it all through the lens of babyloss. I thought that the panic must be even worse after the loss of a child. Here is the link:
May 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJill A.
Thank you, ladies!!! I appreciate your comments. I feel a bit exposed doing this (asking for input, writing it, the whole thing). But at the same time I really want to do it. Even if it's not great, it'll hopefully help people feel less alone.
May 4, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterGaby
Gaby, I can see where it wold be scary! Two things come to my mind. First is, don't worry too much about making it true for everyone. Your experience and the distilled experiences of the survey respondents will be good to read. They will be good even when they do not represent someone else's emotions, fear and grief. Often, it is when we disagree that we get the most out of a discussion. "No, it wasn't like that for me, it was like this. What do you think made the difference?" Those thoughts help us process our confusion just as much as a shared moment of truth.

Second - we all cut fellow babyloss mother's a lot of slack! You are writing for a gentle and receptive audience. No, everyone is not kind 100% of the time, but we do tend to protect each other. The worst we are likely to do here is ignore each other because we are caught up in our own lives. Not tear each other down.

Good Luck!
May 4, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJill A.
Thank you, Jill A. You made perfect sense!
Chillax seems to be the elusive directive my mind just can't comprehend :)
Thank you for your words and support.
May 5, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterGaby
What a wonderful resource you are creating Gaby...
It feels an honour to share & include my thoughts (I've just done so!) and it really made me think a lot.
Hope you can find your way through all the answers, and protect your own heart as you do so. As Jill A says, us bereaved folks 'get it' and I'm sure (as I would have done if your leaflet had existed while I was pregnant) many will just feel so grateful to have something out there, that they can read.

Thanks for the opportunity to be involved...
and do you mind if I share the link elsewhere online (with others who are bereaved/parenting after loss?
May 7, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterZ's Mum
Ohhh thank you so much Z's mum!!!!! It means a lot to me.
Do feel free to share the link, the more input the better as really everyone's comments are so heartfelt and I'm sure will be reassuring for others to read.
And I agree, it's made me think and review my own experience too, which can only be a good thing.

Thanks again for your views and encouragement
Much love
May 7, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterGaby