It has been a while sine i have been here and I am coming up on the 4th anniversary and struggling. I sometimes need sleeping pills to get out of the ruts but this one it is not helping and my dh has suggested I see another counselor (I have seen a few 1 after my angel was born and one after she grew her wings) but I am not sure I want to do that again. I could also look into a local group but again I feel very self conscious about both ideas. Then there is the guilt that on top of my full time job I will be taking more time away from my rainbow because her mom can't deal with her grief.
Why is it so hard? To make things worse the anniversary is boxing day (day after christmas) and working retail I have to work it, it is mandatory for all staff at my job.
Last year I broke down 3 times through out the 12 hour shift and at least once was to customer who thankfully was understanding.
Please give suggestions and ideas on what has helped you.

on his birthday we go camping and burn drawings of things we want him to have: toys and foods and other earthly delights. it's a special day. last year we couldn't go on his birthday so we did this the day before. maybe it would help to do something special to honor your child on a different day if you must work boxing day. try not to feel guilty about taking time for your grief, an hour a week to see a counselor, if you want that, or just to sit quietly to reflect and try to find some peace. i am taking time away from my living children right now to write this to you because i need a little time to deal with my grief and visiting glow now and then helps me with that.
so sorry. wish there were more i could say or do. it is a rough road we are on, i never thought in a million years i would find myself here. our son died two years ago. i miss him and have many other difficult feelings all mixed up with our loss. sending you love.

What helped me and continues to is not denying the fact that I lost a child and that it saddens me, I give myself permission to be sad, to be broken, to be miserable when I need to be, there is no time limit on grieving, there is no time limit on how sad one needs to be. I also give myself permission to not be perfect all the time. I also have a living son but there are times when I need time to myself to write and reflect and remember Zia, it's allowed. I also try to so something like light candles on her birthday or on days when people are commemorating child and infant loss. If you need to see a counselor, do that, it's important that you do what you're most comfortable with.

I stopped seing my counselour because it would get me too stressed up going there, and i felt the counsels were stupid (for me, for my ways of thinking...) So I think it isyour grief, and counselling will not help if stresses you more.
I am sure you are just working yourself up with all the what ifs of your coming special day. And I do the same. But protect yourself. Try to be calm about it...
if you dont have the time, because you have a long work day...
what about using the day before, just for an hour or two, to do your special remembrance ritual... involve your family, maybe your rainbow in this moment, and then just take with you the next day a token of each of your babies, the one you lost and the one you have with you, who is the sunshine glowing behind the clouds.
Dont antecipate, dont fret over what may or not happen.
Just keep breathing, and the day will pass. You will have had included your little angel in a beautiful family moment, instead of feeling guilty all over again.

All the best
Marta