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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

parenting after loss > Panic...

My in laws are visiting and they want to take my son, 9 months old, for a day of walking around tomorrow. And I'm a wreck at the idea, I can't sleep and i can't imagine being away from my baby for an entire day. Is this my grief talking? My heart is racing and I'm just panicking at the idea of this. They kindly offered to take care of him so my husband and I could have time to ourselves...I guess I was thinking a couple hours not an entire day...oh and they live an 8 hour flight away and the last they visited, our son was 2 months old...ack! Thanks for listening!
September 23, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAB
Oh, AB. I see you.
I'm like you. I can manage a couple of hours away from my 12 month old, but the idea of a whole day away fom here gives me nightmares. One of my babyloss mama friends once said "we have to do certain things in our own pace, we need to feel that the decition is ours, don't let people push you no matter who it is"

My in-laws live down the road from us, my mother in-law have looked after my rainbow once for an hour and a half when she was six months... My parents, looked after here at our house while visiting when she was newborn for two hours so I could get some much needed sleep. I was so afraid of sleeping in the begining.

Lots of love to you.
September 24, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterScandinavian endo-girl
AB, you hold the cards here. They need to understand that you have these (totally normal) feelings and do whatever it is that makes YOU comfortable. Your son as well..... if he hasn't seen them for 7 months he doesn't know them and he may not be comfortable with being with strangers all day either. If you aren't ok with them having him all day tell them you'd prefer to just have lunch for an hour or so while they watch him. Is it possible for you to go somewhere where they can walk him around and you and your husband have lunch near by? (I'm thinking near us there is a museum/art gallery/ playground/ river with restaurants- would be ideal for them to spend time with bub somewhere like that while you guys have lunch or dinner). That way if he needs you you're close by. I would explain that you wouldn't enjoy yourself if you were worrying about being away from him and if they don't mind could they stay close for this first time and see how your son goes? Work up to longer time away from him IF you and he are alright with it.

xx
September 24, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterShelby's Mum
Scandinavian endo-girl and Shelby's mum, thank you so much for your supportive and kind words. Because of big events in my city today (which I'd forgotten about), it was impossible to take my son anywhere but for a long walk around the neighborhood. My husband and I stayed home and relaxed for a bit and then made lunch for everyone. Our son was only gone a couple hours and that was ok but I don't think
I'm ready for more yet and I don't think my son is either...so I made clear that was the case and the grandparents will just have to be with all of us rather than just the baby! But thank you for helping me realize that this is normal and I'm entitled to feel this way. Big hugs to you both. Parenting after loss is hard!!
September 24, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAB