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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

parenting after loss > My living son's birthday

Tomorrow is my living son's first birthday. I feel so emotional...
Elated, happy, so so in awe of him, and so very aware of his preciousness, and thankful for him each and everyday.
Yet so sad that his big brother isn't here to celebrate with us, to show him how to blow out a candle, or help him unwrap his gifts. Sad too that Zephyr's never had a birhtday, not a 'real' one. Sure, we've lit candles for him and made gifts, we've gathered and honoured him, but he's not here to behold that. Tomorrow we will surround ourselves with friends & family, and I am sure that I will feel so so very happy, but sad too... sometimes it just feels so hard to balance. Sometimes I just wish, wish so very very mich that he could be here, and that special occassions didn't always bring a knot of sorrow to my stomach.
Thanks for reading x
August 22, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterZ's Mum
I know this feeling too well. Brady turns seven on Thursday, 25th August and I'm thrilled yet sad too. We're having a birthday week this year, I've taken some leave to spend time with him. Although I am happy and having a good time with my precious son, I miss my Zia, always will. I'm sorry Z's mum. So sorry it has to be so hard. But happy birthday to Z's baby brother. Much love and light.
August 22, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJo-Anne
I know those feelings, all of them. The happy feeling for the live siblings, and the sad part that little miss s isn't able to take a part in all the happy/festive parts in the living world.
After the party tomorrow, it might help to set aside some time for Z. That usually helps me, looking in here album, going to here garden etc

Happy first birthday to z' s little brother.
August 22, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterScandinavian endo-girl
Thank you Jo, "thrilled yet sad" is just how I was feeling on the eve of Z's little brother's birhtday, it helps to hear it come from someone else's heart too. I'm sending much love to you as you take this time to be with Brady, and wishing him a happy 7th birthday, from what you've shared with me before, of the lovely things you've done both for his & Zia's birthdays, I am sure that he will know how loved he is, and despite your longing for his little sister, I hope you can find moments of light to hold, within the sadness. x

Scandinavian endo-girl, thank you too. Thank you for also sharing and recognising the happy sad bits of celebrations, and also for suggesting I took some time to be with my thoughts and love for Zephyr after his brother's party. I did. I also really thought of Zeph while our friends & family gathered around us and sung happy birthday. It's funny - we've done so little in such a 'big' public way, since the gathering we held for Zephyr on the day we buried him... somehow surrounded with love for our second son, I really felt our first boy there with us, as we sang and blew out the candle.

Much love to you both x
August 25, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterZ's Mum