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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

parenting after loss > Broken husband

My husband has never dealt with losing her. She was perfect, stolen by medical negligence at birth. Our 1st and truly beautiful little girl. We now have two amazing rainbow boys. 2 and a half years on though my husband is now at breaking point. Our marriage is pretty much in tatters and I'm heartbroken that my soul mate is on the edge. I keep trying to get him to get signed off work for a few months but he won't listen. Has anyone had a partner struggle several years on? how did you work through it? I'm struggling and literally no one understands
August 17, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterArabella's mum
Dear Arabella's Mom, I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter and for the strain on your marriage. It all seems so wrong, doesn't it? My husband and I divorced 5 years after our daughter's death, so I don't know if I have anything except sympathy to offer.

Here are some general thoughts your post led me to: Does your husband think he is grieving? Does he think her death is what has gone wrong for him and for the relationship? What does he think his unhappiness and problems stem from?

Those are just some first thoughts of mine. Before you come up with a solution, you need to define the problem. What is making you unhappy? What would you like to see changed? What can you do to care for yourself right now, with two rainbows to care for and love and a husband who is not able or willing to give you emotional support?

I wish you the very best as you live your way through this time. Peace to you.
August 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJill A.
Hello Arabella's mum,
My first child, a daughter, was stillborn. She would be 3 and a half years old now. My husband and I still struggle in our marriage. We have a 2 year old rainbow son. We have an additional complication because we were pregnant with our first along with my husband's brother and his wife. Their baby lived, ours died. Nobody wants to talk about it. But that aside, my main point is that my husband cared for me for a very long time at the beginning. I know that he needs me to support him now, and what he needs is different from what I needed and need. It's hard to do with a young child and my own grief still present and transforming. I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter and your marriage struggles. I know we can't tell someone what to do, but perhaps asking him how you can support him might be a start. I certainly don't want to try to give advice, so mostly I just want to say I'm sorry and you are not alone.
October 11, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAnna
How are you Arabella's Mom? How is your husband? It's been months.....

My husband cut back from work 2.5 years after our first beautiful daughter died (our health care teams failed us and she died of gbs). He held on for so long to get me over the sharp part, and then he just needed to break down. Lots of changes came out of that break down - and they are never easy.

I hope you guys have had a better time of things!
June 21, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKO