On the eve of my sweet boys second birthday/anniversary I sit here and wonder if the plans I have for tomorrow are enough? How do we honour our children that aren't with us? I should be busy making his cake. We should have celebrated today with family and friends. I should be decorating the house in our usual birthday traditions. Busy wrapping presents in gorgeous boy colours. Instead I sit here wondering what I should be doing? The bunch of orange roses waiting to take to the cemetery are in a vase, my other kids asleep confused as why they are not going to school tomorrow, my husband seemingly dealing with all this in a very strong way. And yet there is me, feeling the deep ache inside, wanting to run and hide from the world. How can I do this year after year? This awfully painful month of July, and the incredibly sad day the 25th. My plans don't feel like enough, but I also feel paralysed to do any more. My sweet boy I am sorry you're not with us, I miss you so much.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your son, and I hope you found a way to remember him that brought you peace - and some joy at his memory. Living without our babies is a tricky business - maybe even more so on the "important" dates. Much love to you and your family -