Dear All,

I haven't visited here for long time, I don't exactly know why, Partly the joys and exhaustion of raising a new baby and partly my job situation. I have a job this year which makes me a single mum for at least 4 nights of the week. Anyway, our rainbow N is about to turn one and I have recently been struck by waves of emotion, grief and anxiety! I am thinking more about S lately, but there is more - intense anxiety about death, especially losing my partner, and then me dying, leaving my baby alone. Have you experienced this? Has anything helped?

Dear Lilac Wine, Yes, I know I have dealt with the fear and anxiety often over the years. I think we know all too well how fragile life can be and how much of it we don't control. Cannot control. How quickly things can change. It is enough to break me down into tears and fears often over the years. Most of the time I could ignore it and the fear would go away. I'm sure you know that feeling. When it wouldn't go away, what I had to do is face it head on. What am I afraid of? Does it make sense to be afraid of this? Is there anyway I can mitigate the horrid results I am imagining? Like a partner dying. Like you dying and leaving the kids alone. What are the plans? Planning may not work out, but I find it comforting to have plans. They make me feel a bit more in control. And sometimes, I would get up in the middle of the night, sit in dark and cry. The tears helped.

One of the problems with anxiety and worry is that when you look ahead, the future is all bad. If you both die, you know no one is ever going to love your child the same. You can imagine the pain and the loss. What most of us can't see, is the good that will mitigate some of the despair. Usually, I can't even imagine any good that will help. But in life, there is almost always good things that happen also, things that help to keep us going, help us to love and life and laugh. Very few futures are all dark and that is something you know also.

Hope this gives you a little something to think about. Good luck with this bout of worry and fear!

I've felt this too. The only thing that helped was a fantastic counsellor who gave me strategies for changing my mind-set and for re-directing my thinking as soon as it started going down that anxious path.