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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

parenting after loss > Separation anxiety

I have recently had to enroll Abbygail into daycare as she seems to be needing more than what I can provide at home and through parent friends. She cries, sometimes to the point of vomiting if I leave her with almost everyone but Daddy.

I fear that it is my fault as I feel she is picking up on my anxieties and fears that have been brought on from loosing Janice. I am struggling with leaving her at daycare, which I know is a safe place and I trust the workers but yet I still feel lost and worry and fret the whole time she is there.
I had a little bit of this when I returned to work but not as much now that she is going to daycare 2 days a week instead of staying all 5 days with daddy.

I am not sure how rational these emotions are. The first day she screamed for the hour orientation, yesterday she calmed down for part of the time when the group went for a walk, and I called to check-in today and they said she was doing really well; She was laughing and smiling while playing with the other kids.
Yet I am still so unraveled that I am posting on here moments before my shift starts.

How is this so much more difficult with Abby then it was with Janice?
Have I become that over-protective parent?
Am I even being close to rational?
February 19, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterTsukia
This is the first year my 3 year old is going to preschool/being without me. She doesn't cry as much (it has been 5-6 months 3x/wk), but she still gets sad separating on some days. I've wondered how much of it is "normal" at the beginning, but by now, no other kids show the same sadness. This is her personality and I'm sure it is influenced by my loss. I try to always comfort her and praise her for being in touch with her feelings. And inside, I smile thinking that her older sister is somehow a part of her and how she is in the world. It's very hard though because we only want happiness for them.

I am so sorry Abbygail is vomiting. It will get better. And please know that this is not your fault, no matter what. Yes, children pick up on our stuff, but this is our stuff! Maybe just sharing how you feel sad too but how happy you are that she will get to play and be with other children, etc. will help both of you.

Thinking of you. Keep us posted.
February 19, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSapphira
Hi Tsukia,
I was hoping Abbygail has settled in, and that you are feeling more at ease now too?
With love to you,
Jen (Joseph, AdiaRose and Imani's mom)
March 21, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJen