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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

parenting after loss > I need to speak her name

This Christmas we should have our 18 month old daughter excitedly ripping into her presents with her big brother. Only she died. Less than a week before she was meant to arrive. Our 3.5 year old son, who knew I had a baby in my belly before his parents, who knew he was having a sister before it was possible to tell, came to the hospital clearly nervous to meet his little sis had to be told our baby had died.I am so angry, why did his friends get their baby and he didnt? Why does he have to explain to everyone that he is actually a brother, even though his sister died? How can I deal with Christmas, birthdays, milestones for the rest of our lives knowing Eadie is gone and seemingly readily forgotten or ignorned?
December 20, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterStef
Dear Stef, I can relate so much to this post. My daughter died in July 2013, my son was about 3.5 years at that time too. It was so hard for him to even understand that his sister would not be coming home. He was heart broken and cried when his dad told him the sad news. He is now six and he is still sad about it. He often says he wishes Zia didn't die so he would have someone else to play with at home.

The milestones are so heart breaking but you take them one at a time. I always say that the weight on our hearts gets easier to carry along the way as the distance of the loss grows but it's is always there. It's hard as a parent of two to go out and buy gifts for one.

This morning on my drive to work, my son was in the car and I picked up a colleague from another department on the way. She asked the infamous "is he your only one" and I answer yes, because I am not willing to get into that with someone who barely knows me. I have done that and the worst thing is those stares of pity and sometimes lack of understanding. Anyway, my son pipes up "are you saying one because Zia went to the sky mum" and I say "yes son, I have only one child here that people can see. It's been two years Stef and it is still painful for them. And it is still very much a part of our son's lives.

You're not alone. I am sorry your daughter isn't opening presents this year, truly I am.
December 21, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJo-Anne
Stef, I'm so sorry your little girl isn't there with you. I'm two months behind you on my timeline, our little star was supposed to be 16 months now, but she to died before she died before she came..
Little miss s' sister is 3,5 now just like your boy, i totally understand that it is hard when they have to explain that they have a baby sister/brother even thoug they aren't here.
My little sunshine had here third b-day a month before little miss s was supposed to be one this summer, mixed feelings that day. So sad that my second girl never got to feel the excitement, and so thankfull for here big sister that's so full of empathy and talks about our miss s all the time and how she lived in mommys belly, but had to go to live amongst the stars.

Jo-Anne, I'm truly sorry that you and your family lost Zia, love here name by the way,

All we can do is taking it one day at the time.

Christmas eve, We got a withe heart for miss s, ingraved with "we love you"

Thinking of all of you, Zia and Eadie
December 24, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterScandinavian endo-girl
Thank you Scandinavian endo-girl :) Her name means "Light", we named her Zia Sarai which is "Princess of Light"
December 30, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJo-Anne