It appears that the small street that our rainbows daycare center is on is used to access the hospital morgue. The one our daughter was kept in. I was not aware of this small back entrance to the hospital grounds, or the location of the morgue on this huge 100 acre campus, far away from the main entrance.

Oh god, I obsessed with trying to find daycare for him. Somewhere safe, caring, with a garden, not near a big road, with qualified staff and organic food, you get the idea. We were lucky to get in there. It slipped my attention to check for hearse traffic outside the premises. At least every other morning since he started last week, a hearse slowly pulled past me, on its way into or out of the hospital. My daughter was taken along there. Her tiny little coffin in the back of such a hearse. Maybe that very one? It takes my breath away every time. What do I do?

Gosh, Cee, I think that sounds terrible! Talk about triggers and getting your emotions hijacked! The only thing I can think of is to make a short ritual of seeing the hearse. Something like saying to yourself, "May all your loved ones find some peace in the life you shared." Or a prayer if that would work for you.

I also think you should get a treat whenever that happens. Is there something you really like that would keep in the glove box for a week or so? Cookies, chocolate covered coffee beans or raisins? A special drink? Send loving thoughts to others and then take care of yourself.

Peace to you, also, as you find a way to deal with this.

Thank you Jill! I like your suggestions. I will try to think of a ritual, and a treat sounds good too. I saw another one this morning. Ugh. I guess there will be a number of deaths every day in such a big hospital. It is huge. Living close to it was a big help in my very complicated high risk rainbow pregnancy, I could walk to appointments that others have to travel to, but this sucks.