I sat wrapping gifts for my son (He is turning 6 on 25 August), five six (I ended about there) seven, eight, about twenty to go and I thought. Thats alot of gifts for one boy. Turtles, Avengers, Dinosaurs, Planes, Cars....

And it crossed my mind that my daughter's birthday just passed on 16 July and hey, I didn't even wrap one gift, no dolls, no tutu's, no fairy wings. No I bought a candle for the living room, her cubicles on the walll like a shrine of small tokens from around the world, no gifts.

I feel torn sometimes, torn because of the unfairness of it all.

I get that Jo-Anne. I was profoundly struck on our boys' birthday this spring by all the preparation and gifts and, and, and... Alice didn't get any of that. We recognized her birthday quietly but there were no gifts or celebration. She never got to have cake or pull on paper. I miss her very very much.

Oh Carrie, it's just that. There is just so much I can do for my son, so much I love to do and enjoy doing but with Zia, there truly isn't much. I decorated a cake and we lit candles but the day was quiet and uneventful. I want pink streamers and drama and crying and smashing of cake. Oh well, just one of those things out of teh many we must deal with not experiencing.

Little miss s' big sister just turned three a month ago, party, cake, sun and baloons, children playing and having fun. In a week it's a year since little miss s came, there will be no childrens party with other oneyearolds, no picture of my angel getting to eat here first cake, unpack her first gifts or an excited sister helping out. We might get here headstone up for that day, Flowers, a flag, baloons and a candel will be our gift to here, what kind of a gift is that for a first birthday?
Life really sucks. No one should have to face their children leaving this world.