Today I am trying not to be too annoyed by a well meaning but, in my opinion, rather thoughtless gift sent to our baby boy by my husband's extended family. They sent a onesie that says "worth the wait". And another that says "player 3 has entered the game". I guess these are nice sentiments, but, for one, it is pretty dismissive and makes light of the horrible tragedy that happened before we had our son. Like, throughout my whole pregnancy with Nina-Lou and her death, we were just "waiting" for our boy? Was he worth all of the struggle and suffering? This is a question I wrestle with often. I'm certainly not glad we had to lose a daughter in order to have him. And, "player 3"? That bums me out. Player 3 died. Our son is our 2nd baby. The 4th member of our family. I can't put my kid in these clothes that make me so fucking sad for what happened to our family. And now I have to send these nice but really clueless people a thank you card. Bleh. Some people will never get it.

Oh Anna, I completely understand and am so angry for you. Of course you have two children who you both love and parent. I would throw the onesies away and let your husband deal with his family. It's like everything is ok now cause you have your son. My mother in law tried to give me baby clothes on Mother's Day for my rainbow that I'm still pregnant with. We had explicitly told people not to buy gifts until this baby is born and lives, and on Mother's Day of all days when I was already struggling. I'm sorry your having to deal with this, and I'm sorry you don't have both your children.

Karen, thanks so much for your kind words. And I am so sorry that your MIL didn't respect your wishes during such a sensitive time! It is very weird, how people act like everything is great now that our son is here. He has brought so much joy and light into our lives, but our daughter is still dead, and she always will be. I feel sometimes like people just want to sweep the past under the rug. So many people wished me a happy "first" mother's day. It was disappointing, because my first Mother's Day was after Nina-Lou had died. This Mother's Day was different, because I have a living child now, but it certainly wasn't my first.

Anna- ouch. I would have felt the exact same way. They are in a big fat hurry to upswing this moment. The problem is, it silently demotes the existence of Nina-Lou.
Well meaning idiots is accurate.
You sound strong. Way to take the high road.

Awesome title for the t-shirt you could send with that thank you card😃 "well meaning idiots "
Really sorry but as we know people can be so insensitive.

Lack understanding from others unfortunately...relegating a life, precious to you, into nothingness. Its never okay. Yet if she had lived and they had gotten to know her, how different it would be.
The only way people might start to get it is to talk about it to them. Perhaps enclosing a note with your thoughts politely returning the items would help. Only a suggestion. I can imagine even this would be hard, so I don't know.