I have been struggling lately to parent both of my living children. I feel like I am barely meeting basic needs: my poor Rosabella spends a lot of time in her playpen while I am nursing Eliana, but they are clean and fed and loved. I am doing the best that I can, but am looking for advice, words of wisdom, tricks of other mamas and dads who have been there. When Rosabella was a newborn, it was just her and my grief for Grace, this second living baby is really throwing me for a loop.

Hi Grace's Mom-
It sounds like you are doing great, actually! For the first three years of life if at the end of the day they are alive and have had no ER visits that is a GOOD DAY! Everything else beyond the basics (fed, clean, loved) is gravy, lady!
Two things to remember- this is a temporary state of affairs, they grow and change and become increasingly able to balance self preservation with ability. The second thing is every day make sure you do something just for you, even if it is a small simple thing, make sure you do it.
It is perfectly normal to have this state of affairs with two tinies. It's going to be ok, so relax, enjoy them, and don't forget about you :)
Love,
Jen (AdiaRose and Imani's mom)

Congrats on the birth of Eliana by the way!
There was a 16-month gap between my first two living children, and winter (especially in Atlantic Canada) was tough with snowy and icy roads, and below freezing temperatures. I wore my newborn all the time in a Moby wrap. It was easy for me to tend to my toddler at the same time, play with him, feed him and read books. I nursed my newborn in it too, so I had free hands for my toddler. Just make sure she can breathe freely though, very very important obviously. Then, I spent a lot of time at multi-age playgroups. These places are amazing. Moms help each other, care for your kids when you need a bathroom break or keep an eye on your toddler while you change your newborn's diaper. Plus, they have toys that are appropriate for each age group, and your toddler learns some important social skills. Also, we loved our weekly Kindermusik family session. It was so much fun for all of us, it was expensive but it was worth it. I was cuddling and dancing with my newborn and my toddler was swirling around playing ,usic, jumping, stomping you name it. Sometimes, my newborn was sleeping through the whole session and my tot had me to all to himself. I have some very fond memories of those days. And of course, I have the worst memories too of running after my toddler on an icy parking lot, while carrying that bulky carseat, or the day my youngest crawled into a puddle of pee as I was potty training his brother. Back then, thise things made me cry and now They make me smile.

I guess it's a mindset too. If I stayed home, it sounded easier but that's when I ended up feeling overwhelmed and depressed. On the other hand, going to the swimming pool was a blast, life jacket on the toddler, the newborn in the infant's "boat", and they were all splashing away happily. Then you go home all exhausted, the house is always a mess, no qualms about it. It still is 6 years later. And probably for another 6 years!
Keep us posted on how you guys fare!

xoxo

Jen and Karine thank you so much for your words of wisdom, encouragement and advice. Things are seeming more possible. We are trying baby wearing and Eliana loves the carrier as long as Dad is wearing her, if I try inside the house she just wants to nurse, out and about she is great for me in the carrier. I have not been brave enough to try nursing while wearing her, our carrier doesn't have enough head and neck support for her for me to feel comfortable. Maybe in a few months time. We have also been trying to get out and do something every day, it makes the time go by faster and generally results in a happier (less bored) toddler!

Hang in there - my two are close in age (21 months apart) and I remember those days. Somehow, we got through. Sounds like you're doing an amazing job - be gentle with yourself and don't worry about the house & such. You're busy enough feeding and nurturing the little ones. In time, they will entertain & amuse each other, which will free up your time. Best wishes to you.