Our SECOND son, our “rainbow”, is now almost 18 months old. So yeah, lots of friends and family are now broaching that (now that they have a living kid no longer too uncomfortable to ask) question. Fine. But why, oh why, do they have to phrase it like that… try for a “second”!? Philip IS our second!!!!! Ugh, knife through my heart… And this comes from people who have been thoughtful and supportive over time… Makes me SOOOOOO mad!

When I confront people, most meekly respond… “you know what I mean”. And I do know what they mean…. For most intents and purposes, Philip is an only child, and the first to wreak havoc into our schedule, into our apartment, into the physical world… But there are other ways, significant ways, in which he is NOT. He is not the first baby that made my heart burst with love, that came as the answer to all my hopes and dreams, that couldn’t be more perfect in every way, that made me realize my life would never be the same… I don’t know, call me crazy, but to me those seem much more important than how many poopy diapers you’ve changed or how much puree you’ve scraped off the walls!

Anyways, I just needed to get this off my chest. Thank you for listening. Thinking about this has made me realize one of the main reasons I keep coming to glow. I am so grateful to have a place where Stefan is just as much my son, just as important, just as loved as his brother. Thank you for being that place, mamas.

Love to all,

Mira,

I sometimes correct people that Eliana is our third child, not out second, but I don't always. I know in my heart she is our third and last baby. It hurts that so many people forget Grace, but she is my true first born, just like stefan is yours,

This has happened to me a few times and I never know what to say. We have two living boys, and our third died at 24 weeks. My middle son is now three and I have had several people as if I would "try for a girl" or "sneak a third one in." I'm not sure why anyone ever asks people about when / if they are planning on having children. It's so cruel for those of us who have lost a baby or are dealing with infertility. I'm sorry that you have experienced this also.

Mira- OH MAN how I can SO relate..
When I get that question I want to scream SHE IS MY THIRD AND only living child. You asked, so you better be ready for the real answer (and I'm not going to apologize if it makes you feel uncomfortable either!)

I used to be much more vocal about it, but now I'm not as I assume in most cases I'll never see those people again.
Nosy fuckers.

I'm so sorry. Sending hugs!!

Mira,
Thanks for this post because that's why I came back to glow! It has been awhile!!! I think of you all so often!
I totally am experiencing the same thing. Levi is 18 months and to the outsiders our life seems pretty freaking great. And they happily ask "so when you trying for number two". Then respond with "I am not sure we are going to have anymore children" and they continue "So Levi is going to be an only child" and I continue to say Levi is not an only child his older brother died at the end of my pregnancy and that is what makes thinking about having another so fucking scary and hard!!!! I just want to yell at them! Don't they remember it hasn't even been 3 years!!!
Anyway.....just wanted to say I hear ya mama!!!
So glad to "see" you all here!!
SME hi!!!
Graces mom u had another rainbow!!! Congrats to u mama!!!