It should have been Shelby's 3rd birthday tomorrow.

I wonder if she would have had straight brown hair like her big sister or blonde ringlets like her little brother?

What would her voice sound like?

Would she be an outdoors kid who liked to play in the mud like her siblings?

Would she be a girly girl like her big sister or a little tomboy?

Would she like to cook?

Would she think farts are funny (like the rest of our house does)?

Would she make up songs with silly lyrics?

Would she bust into dance moves in the supermarket if a song she knew came on?

Would she be obsessed with "Frozen"?

I wish I could be lying in her bed with her tonight, giving her the "last 2 year old kiss of her life" and smelling her hair, tickling her back and squeezing her cheeks while she giggles.

Life is so busy that I don't let myself think too much about these times I'm missing. I can't afford to fall in a "grief pit". So I just don't think about it. But on the eve of what should have been a day filled with cake and presents and laughter and sunshine but will instead be filled with buying flowers, a cemetery visit and a play date with my baby-loss friends- I let myself dream about the chubby faced toddler who is missing from my life.

I love you Shelby.

Happy Birthday.

Oh Shelby's Mum, you expressed so right on the dot what I have been feeling recently with Alice's 3rd birthday this past month. Thank you for sharing. I so so wish Shelby could have joined you all. Much love and light to you and your family.

Happy belated birthday miss shelby. Your words spoke right to my heart. Every bit of it. Ethan would be 3 this coming May. I miss them for us.

Thank you for posting. Thinking of you and Shelby, as you enter another year without answers to these questions. xo

Thinking of you both x