Just really struggling lately. I miss Grace so much. Had a terrible Thanksgiving with my FIL and BIL, two of the biggest assholes on the planet, and now I am just running on empty. Trying to get ready for Christmas, but all the joy I had about this upcoming season is gone and I am grieving and angry.

Oh Grace's mom I'm so sorry your BIL and FIL suck so much!!! Do you have to see them/spend time with them for Christmas too or will you be with your family this time? I have no real advice other than to do what feels right for you. Stay away from people that have expectations of you and your grief. Don't put any pressure on yourself to feel anything or do anything specific Ugh, I wish I could help more. I've had several people lately trying to tell me how I need to focus on "me" and Elise and this new baby. How I shouldn't focus on the past or other people's sad stories. They are all so ignorant to going through the loss of a child I generally just nod and walk away. I'm not sure if this relates at all to you, but know that I'm thinking of you and your family.

Grace,
We had on OK Thanksgiving but I know how you feel about Christmas. I went to Walmart the other day to pick up garland and stuff so I can actually decorate the house this year. I barely made it out without crying. There is something about Christmas that just makes me miss Melanie so much. I think it's because it's one of my favorite holidays and she should be here! Our families are asking us to be at their houses for Christmas, in two completely separate directions btw, and I just can't convince myself to leave home. Melanie's ashes are here and I can't shake the need to be here with her. I can survive every other holiday and even her birthday wasn't terrible but Christmas just gets to me.