I'm having a hard time at the moment with school drop offs. There is a mum who had her third baby one week before I had Archer. Last term she appeared to be very sensitive, staying away from me, and even making my family a meal. This term, it's like I should be over it. Every morning she stands outside my daughters classroom and I have to walk past her and her living, breathing baby. Her daughter isn't in the same class, so there is no reason for her to be standing there. It makes me sooooo upset, and without fail sends my head into 'I can't cope with this' mode. It sets my mindset for the entire rest of the day, and even if I did wake up and was coping relatively well, after having to walk past her I just feel like giving up. I just feel like the freak, that's the lady whise baby died. I can see the looks people give me, feel their stares, their awkwardness.

I'm going to start by saying this is probably not the "best" way to handle it but it helped me.

My therapist said that I should stop trying to hold things in and let things out. He would probably cringe if I told him this but it helped me.

So in a similar situation I went up to the mom and asked how the baby was doing and she responded with the usually pleasantries. To which I said something along the lines of yeah I wondered if Kolt (my son who died) would by walking (or whatever) by now but he's dead so . I guess I'll never know, will I? Anyway, have a great day!

I'm sure I looked crazy. Probably sounded crazy too. I didn't really care though, I already felt like everyone looked at me like I was crazy anyway. She still avoids me (which is fine by me) and when I do see her she seems almost as uncomfortable as I do. It makes me feel better. I know it's horrible of me but I don't care. By the time I spoke to her I was angry with her for putting me in an uncomfortable situation after everything I've gone through. I was also angry at her because I felt like she forgot or at least she didn't think about it. To me (and maybe you feel differently) I equated that with her not appreciating what she had that I didn't have. That's not something you forget. Even if it happened to some random acquaintance.

Thanks for your reply Kayla, I actually love how you dealt with the situation. My husband says I should tell her to f#ck off but I can't do that. I think you hit the nail on the head about saying it feels as if she doesn't appreciate what she has got. At least today she wasn't there, so I got a reprieve. I will think on it a little more before I decode what to do. Thanks again.

Karen and Kayla - I can relate so much to this. School drop off and pick up is one of the most stressful and anxiety-filled times of my day. Many of the parents at school never expressed condolences when Zachary died in January (which was last school year). I can't seem to get past the fact that they just ignored my son's death. I try to hang back and not interact with them (honestly, I don't feel like being social with anyone at all anyway), and I actually think they like it that way. Yes, let's ostracize the woman whose son died - so strange, right?! I don't know why it's so hard to be exposed to their seemingly simple lives and happy small talk, but it kills me. And, of course, a few have new-ish babies, and this school year, a couple of new happy pregnant bellies. It makes me want to vomit.

And volunteering at the school - to be "room mom" or to help in some way where I'd get to interact with my son there - I just can't do it, at this point. It would mean coming uncomfortably face to face with the same people.

Kayla, I think your response is actually very helpful. I've been trying to think about how to honor my grief publicly, even with people who are just acquaintances, with people who may not realize they have hurt me. I think it was very brave of you to do what you did. I hope to have the courage to say something like it...

Just yesterday a pregnant woman was in front of me at preschool pick up. She has 3 living boys and is pregnant with her 4th. Part of me wanted to bring up the fact that we had 4 kids too. Knowing it would include me telling her our 4th baby died. But that way he would be acknowledged. It's super hard. Most days I can put it to the aide, some days not so much. And I'm 2 plus years out.

Kayla your response was spot on. Wish I was brave enough. My situation isn't school drop offs more friends with babies that moan and 'his not sleeping through the night or I'm trying the routine,,, Orr me and husband don't agree on situations regarding the baby!!!!' At this point I'm screaming in my head POOR YOU!!!! What I would give to be saying these things. You ladies are right people don't appreciate sometimes. It's makes me so angry and how inconsiderate.
Sorry rant over. It's still really raw nearly 3 months out!!!
Sorry we r here ladies x