Hello dear glow mamas.

It's been a long time since I've posted here but I still recognize so many names. Our rainbow, Nathan, is 14 months old. Doing well and has Eva's eyes staring out of his head.

I would love to hear how you all are managing.

Much love Em (Eva's mama)

Hi Em, glad you're doing well and how lovely that Nathan has Eva's beautiful eyes. My rainbow, Silas, is 9 months old and an adorable bundle of energy. I'm managing ok I think. Still quite over protective of him and am going back to work in under a month so hoping I can cope! Lovely to hear from you :)

Hi Em! Its great to see you. I'm glad to hear your family is doing well. Susannah and I recently had two boys (Theo and Rhys). They are now eight weeks old and are doing amazingly well. They started life with 7 days in the special care nursery and are now over 9 and 10 pounds each! First time parenthood is tough (especially with twins!) but we're learning new things every day and are so grateful to have them with us. Theo looks just like Alice, so I find myself peering at him periodically and wondering what Alice might have looked like in that same situation.

Em!!! I've been thinking about you. I haven't been writing here or in email much, but tonight is a glow night. How are you doing? Where are you in THE process? Holding up ok?

Hi Em (and all!),

I find myself not very active on Glow these days. I still check in from time to time but am not soaking it all in as I used to. I always used to wonder where the "After Glow" mamas went and why, and here I guess I've become one of them. Just ... busy. And not that I'm not grieving Charlotte as much as always, but it's more a part of me now I suppose, and I've learned (am learning) how to continue day by day without her.

Freya is 20 months now and is fabulous. She's chatty and happy and silly and sweet, and I'm pretty sure she's a genius because she can already count to 10 (although maybe that's normal, or maybe I just have Mama Bias). :) After the incredibly rough, colicky, grief-filled, awful start with her, it feels good to finally be in a happy place.

I did have a a bad dream the other night that left me pretty disconcerted. It's not often that I dream of Charlotte or loss, but in my dream I was VERY pregnant with a 2nd rainbow and was convinced I couldn't feel as much movement and so tried to get to the hospital, but kept either getting lost or not being able to find Freya, and all I could think was that this baby was going to die, too, and at the same time I was panicked that I couldn't find Freya anywhere. It was really awful. So, I guess that shows you where I am re: "are you thinking of another?" Um, NO. Maybe in a year we can _start_ that conversation, but really 1) life is starting to finally feel normal-ish again and 2) there's a lot of other change and Big Important Stuff happening with us. More than anything, I want a year or two of humdrum before we shake things up any more. Does that make sense?

I also read this interesting article by a BLM recently and it's got me thinking if I wouldn't also be okay with just having Freya. http://www.cnn.com/2014/04/29/living/elle-single-child-parents/

Anyhow, that's it in a nutshell from us! I hope some other mamas chime in, too. It's nice to hear how y'all are doing.

Love and hugs,
Amanda

Hello Em,

It's so lovely to hear from you, and to learn that Nathan is doing well. It must be bittersweet that he has Eva's eyes, but I know you're so thankful for them.

Benjamin is doing well, 13 months this week - a right little monkey - running riot. I am so grateful for him, but so wish his big sister was here too, pulling his hair and helping him get up to mischief. Even though I know that it would have been unlikely that we would have had them both, with the timing, but now he's here, it's even more so that I can picture her here with him.

Take care mamas
xoxoxo

Em, it made me smile to see your post. Im so glad Nathan and all our other rainbows are doing so well. I too don't immerse myself in glow as activily as I used to but I'm always checking in and thinking of it. Bobbie is amazing and beautiful, she has the most stunning blue eyes that stop you in your tracks and the most stunning temper that makes you want to hide!!! :) she is 1 in 2 weeks, it doesn't seem possible. Everyday I wish she had a big brother to adore and play with and it hurts but like Amanda it's become a part of me and I can breathe through it x

Hi mamas. Nice to see other rainbow mom posts here. Our rainbow daughter Addison is nearly 4 mos old. I recognize many of the names on this thread. Glad to hear so many are doing well. If you don't know me, we lost our son Bug to SIDS at 6 mos old in Janusry of 2013. I love my girls but still miss my son terribly. Today was a rough day. They hit every now and then. Not as often but when they do come, they hit hard. Anyone else experience this? Thanks for being here

Awwwww..Em!!

So happy that Nathan is doing so well! Alexandra will be 8 months old this month. She doesn't look anything like Simone. It's crazy. She is 3 shades lighter than her, has hazel eyes and strawberry blonde hair. She is definitely her father's side of the family. Last night we pictured our dark haired , coffee and cream complected Simone next to her fair skinned , light haired sister and we laughed! Oh how different they would be and how they would just have turned heads!

I miss my Simone , but I am so busy with her sister I don't think of her as often as I did. I feel guilty about that sometimes. I think if she were here, she wouldn't get as much attention because she would be older and more self sufficient. Right?
We lucked out. Alexandra is a happy easy baby.

Danielle- happy to see you pop in and hear that Bobbie is doing so well! Happy birthday little girl! Remembering Freddie with you as she approaches this milestone!

Happy to read about the other rainbows here as well. Hugs to all.
Xozo

Hi guys! It's so good to see updates from the old "faces"... Sounds like both moms and rainbows are doing well and I'm so glad to hear it...

We are OK on our end. Philip will be 9 months old in a week - where has time flown?!! He's so much fun... a very happy and VERY energetic baby. Every day with him brings new amazements and I sometimes can't believe how lucky we are that we get to raise him.

But I miss Stefan... Sometimes while I breastfeed Philip at night, I imagine a 2.5 year-old playing with his trains on the floor next to me. I imagine reading books to two little boys - one trying to chew on the pages, and one trying to pay attention to the story... So yes, we oscillate between the sheer joy of parenting a sweet baby boy, and the sadness, albeit much gentler, of always missing our firstborn.

I don't post much any more. Partly because my need to get the grief off my chest has subsided, and partly because I feel removed from the fierce pain that "newcomers" are going through. But I still visit Glow often, almost daily. With our daily life so hectic, I feel like this is one place where Stefan comes first. Where he is not overshadowed by his younger brother, where he's real and loved and remembered. And I need that...

All of you lovely ladies mean so much to me. It's great to reconnect and I hope life treats you kindly in the future.
Love,

Hello Em, and all,

I haven't checked into Glow for maybe a year?? It seemed to trigger a lot of grief for me when I did have a peek in, so I just stopped completely. To pop on for the first time tonight, and see your Hello, Em, and then all the familiar and warm names, was quite lovely.

My Samuel Jem is 14 months tomorrow. He's a gorgeous, calm, happy, blue eyed boy, with a seriously mischievous chuckle and I'm constantly falling in love with him.
I've stopped hovering over him quite so much, stopped leaping up and running into the bedroom expecting the worse. I let him free range a bit more, I trust a little bit more, I delight in his adventures and his growing skills.
There was an age, I think at around 6 months, when I could clearly see that his big brother, Jack, would've looked very similar.
Grief for Jack still comes in waves. I don't know what to do with it these days, while busily parenting Sam, though my sleep deprivation.
Sometimes that makes me sad in itself, like I don't have the time for Jack now. Yet, I know that a lot of my parenting choices are as a direct result of losing Jack, so in a sense his presence is still constant, and guiding. Jack certainly makes me the best mother I can be. I still feel him there, like you say, Mira, imagining the older sibling playing alongside. Bittersweet indeed.

It really is good to hear how you and your babies are. After being alongside for the trying to conceive journey, and then the pregnancies, it is heartwarming to hear about your babies.
Xx

Hi Em, I smiled when I saw your name , having not been to glow for over a year.I remember Eva .
Seeing your names Amanda, Danielle,Via and Carrie too - feels like holding hands again with someone who have me a hug years ago when I felt like crap and really need it.
Thank you so much for having been there for me.

My Sam is wonderful now 2.5 yrs old ( going on 5) desperate to keep up with Katie who started school last year. He has me wrapped around his finger and mercilessly manipulates the fact that if he has a cold/ temperature I want to sleep next to him to make sure he doesn't die. Ruthless !

I know I am so lucky to have them but the missing boy with brown eyes and curly hair who would be 4 next month still makes me ache so.
Like you, Via, waves of grief some days. I am glad your Sam brings you such love too, The big brother thing rings very true for me too -like Mira and you say.
I still feel sick if I hear the name Henry , I want mine back so much. All he would/could have been that is gone . Sucks .
Probably why I haven't glowed much - pushes a wound that I have been
Working hard at healing .

Em , I will never forget how you wrote of your boys singing in the back of the car.
How amazed I was at your strength to keep going safety ahead , taking care if them.
You inspired me.
Take care all of you, sending you love and kisses to all, all your babies .xx