Last week, my 7.5 month old rainbow was diagnosed with an allergy to sesame and tree nuts. He’s too young to have consumed most of the highly allergenic foods so I fully expect him to develop more allergies. I have been an anxious, depressed wreck since then. My husband and everyone else I talk to, think that I am over-reacting. And rationally, I know I am. But emotionally, I feel so exhausted and beaten, and angry… I just need to vent to people who would understand my over-reaction.

I know this is nothing compared to what all of us have been through. Food allergies are peanuts (no pun intended, haha) relative to losing your baby, or some other serious ailments. But I am so scared. I know that the risk of dying of a food allergy is tiny (far less than being murdered for example), yet my mind can’t stop going there. I read the stories (tainted cookies, rebellious teenager without an epi-pen) and can totally imagine myself being that mom. Cause why not me, right? I am back to feeling like he may not stay, the way I felt during pregnancy. Except this risk won’t be over in 9 months, it will most likely persist for life… I HATE feeling this way, it’s awful. And I am so angry. Angry that I couldn’t just cruise through raising a perfectly healthy child like everybody else seems to. Angry at myself for even starting to believe that was possible. Angry to be joining yet another special group of “brave” moms… I’m so tired of dealing with all this crap – 2.5 years of grieving, 8 months of an extremely stressful pregnancy… I felt so relieved when Philip turned 6 months and the risk for SIDS went down significantly… and now this!!!!!

I know I’m whining and exaggerating and overreacting. And I apologize to anyone who may be offended – I know how lucky I am to even have to worry about food allergies. I just feel like I am reaching the end of my emotional resilience rope. Thanks for listening.

Mira,

I am so sorry about Philip's food allergies! I would try and get a second opinion from an allergist (if you have not seen one already). It seems like there is so much confusing information about food allergies in kids (just trying to figure out when to introduce certain foods make my head spin). There may still be things that you can do to help!

Don't feel that you are over reacting, just because Stefan died doesn't mean that you don't get to be upset about issues with Philip. Food allergies are stressful since you cannot always control what you child eats. I am allergic to walnuts and I don't eat any baked goods unless I know who baked them and what exactly is in them. I also have a latex allergy (related to walnut issue) and I sound like a broken record at a doctors office.

Take a deep breath and know that you are going to figure this out, but is is completely okay to be upset!

I think one thing that is hard post-loss is that BLMs seemingly are supposed to act like everything else is not a big deal because we have already had the worst in life happen. Well, life is not that way. Of course finding out that your son has food allergies is upsetting.

I hope that your son's allergist can provide some comfort and gives your son the care he and you need! Hope you are feeling better -- hugs.

The other mamas said it just right. I don't believe you need to apologize for whining or exaggerating or overreacting. Food allergies are tough. A lifetime of vigilance (though I know there are some new theories out there about treating them).

And I second the suggestion for a second opinion. There are as many ways to treat ailments as there are doctors out there.

I understand how you feel. 2 of my living 3 children are bad asthmatics. In my mind I have no reassurance that tragedy won't strike our family again. I have ptsd. Their pediatricians all know I need additional checks and assurance. I've made the decision to drive an hour to have them seen by Harvard Medical professors/doctors. It makes me feel just the slightest bit better. I was always a medical snob, and now that's even worse after ethan died.

I'm very sorry you have a new anxiety. Rationally we know things are unlikely, but unlikely does seem to reassure us as it once did. Hang in there.

Thank you guys for understanding. I am feeling a bit better, adjusting little by little to this new normal. One day at a time. For now, Philip is thriving on breast milk and baby food, I don't need to worry about nuts and seeds yet. And when that time comes, we'll deal with however mild or severe his allergies turn out to be. And who knows, maybe we'll be lucky and he'll outgrow them. Or they'll figure out a way to treat them.

Grace's mom, I'm sorry you've had to deal with allergies all your life. But I do like to hear of adults who have been through this and have grown to be resilient, kind, accomplished individuals with a full, rich life. :)

Annie, it's totally ptsd for me too. Completely get your anxiety about the asthma... I'm sorry.

Hugs and love to all,

You know, Eva died at ten months old. So the nine months of worry thing was never really real for me. I almost expect another one of my children to die I don't know why. There is no assurance. All I can say is I am learning to live with the unsure ness of it all.