parenting after loss > How are you?
Hi Collette,
So glad to hear Ben is doing all of those little boy things, and so sorry Grace isn't here to have done them all first. Freya is 19 months; Charlotte would be 2.5. And I'm starting to wonder the same -- are we done? Am _ I _ done? I've gone back and forth so much between wanting another (living) sibling for Freya, and wanting to stop here... not tempt fate... just be happy with the handful we've got. Lately, I've been leaning more toward done. I think DH may want another, but I think it's going to have to be a while -- maybe another year -- before we can have that conversation. I'm afraid of being pregnant again. Freya's pregnancy was so long and terrifying and emotionally exhausting. She was also a difficult, colicky baby. I just feel so traumatized by it all -- Charlotte's death, Freya's worried-all-the-time pregnancy and then her difficult infancy. I just don't know if I can do it all again. Not right now, anyway.
You're not alone in your quandary! xoxo
So glad to hear Ben is doing all of those little boy things, and so sorry Grace isn't here to have done them all first. Freya is 19 months; Charlotte would be 2.5. And I'm starting to wonder the same -- are we done? Am _ I _ done? I've gone back and forth so much between wanting another (living) sibling for Freya, and wanting to stop here... not tempt fate... just be happy with the handful we've got. Lately, I've been leaning more toward done. I think DH may want another, but I think it's going to have to be a while -- maybe another year -- before we can have that conversation. I'm afraid of being pregnant again. Freya's pregnancy was so long and terrifying and emotionally exhausting. She was also a difficult, colicky baby. I just feel so traumatized by it all -- Charlotte's death, Freya's worried-all-the-time pregnancy and then her difficult infancy. I just don't know if I can do it all again. Not right now, anyway.
You're not alone in your quandary! xoxo
April 11, 2014 |
Amanda
Amanda
Hi Amanda,
Thanks for responding! Wow, I can't believe Freya is already 19 months .... If I recall, it wasn't long after I found GiTW, that you were pregnant with her... time flies. And that Charlotte should be 2.5 and being mischievous with her... it pains my heart :(.
It's strange, really. I had only ever wanted 1 child, and even though I can't be certain, I think that if Grace had lived then we would have been done. But I don't know now.... and I'm not getting any younger...
It may be also that I really feel close to Grace when pregnant, and so I'm longing for that closeness again... I don't know. I think I've blocked out just how difficult and long that journey was.
And of course, I'm also assuming that we have a choice in the matter, when as we know, our desires and choices don't always work out the way we hoped.
Maybe the trick is not to think about it too much. I don't know. I'm glad I'm not the only conflicted one, though!
xoxo
Thanks for responding! Wow, I can't believe Freya is already 19 months .... If I recall, it wasn't long after I found GiTW, that you were pregnant with her... time flies. And that Charlotte should be 2.5 and being mischievous with her... it pains my heart :(.
It's strange, really. I had only ever wanted 1 child, and even though I can't be certain, I think that if Grace had lived then we would have been done. But I don't know now.... and I'm not getting any younger...
It may be also that I really feel close to Grace when pregnant, and so I'm longing for that closeness again... I don't know. I think I've blocked out just how difficult and long that journey was.
And of course, I'm also assuming that we have a choice in the matter, when as we know, our desires and choices don't always work out the way we hoped.
Maybe the trick is not to think about it too much. I don't know. I'm glad I'm not the only conflicted one, though!
xoxo
April 15, 2014 |
Colette
Colette
Colette thanks for the update! I love hearing about the other Grace's Moms. Honestly my DH and I have just started to TTC again. Rosabella is almost 11 months old and she is so mature, more like a little girl than a baby. We had such a hard time getting pregnant in the past, although Rosabella came after only 5 cycles of trying. If it happens great, if not, then it was not meant to be and we have our girls who we are so grateful for. There is just less desperation this time.
April 17, 2014 |
Grace's Mom
Grace's Mom
Oh wow, thanks for the update Grace's mom - I'm thrilled to hear that Rosabella is doing well. I so wish you and your DH all the best with TTC... I do recall that you had a difficult journey leading up to Grace, and even though conceiving Rosabella was relatively 'quick', that it was anything but easy. I think that there is less desperation is well put... if we do TTC again, I am hoping too that it is with less desperation. Take care mama xxx
April 18, 2014 |
Colette
Colette
Hi Colette,
I remember you checking on the pregnancy board while I was pregnant with our rainbow, Elise. It's good to hear from you and find out how things are going. I was so happy to read how well Benjamin is doing and how he's growing up! Grace's mom, good luck TTC again. We may be there soon as well, with many mixed emotions.
Griffin would be turning 2 this July, and there were a lot of anniversaries and new babies/pregnant mamas this time last year going through it with me on here. DH has wanted me pregnant right away again, though he was very aware that was not only impossible but not desirable for me both physically and mentally. We've known we want to try for more, but it took us 18 months with Griffin (5 rounds of Clomid and then pregnant with no drugs the next cycle) and only 1 round of Clomid with Elise. I only had about 4 true months not pregnant between the two though and the second pregnancy with Elise was MUCH harder. A lot of the symptoms and pains were more likely when pregnancies are less than 6-9months apart so I told DH that's one reason I want to wait at least 9 months. Elise is 8 months now sooooo.... I guess we are getting close. We have a trip planned to my hometown in Wisconsin at the end of June so I want to wait until we get back. Elise will be just over 10months then and as much as I'd love to have my body back for a little while longer, I also have this emotional urge to have lots of babies and I'm soon to be 34. That's not old, but who knows how long things will take. Logically, I only want to try for 2, maybeeeeee.....3. Like you said, I don't know if we will have a choice in the matter and we are beyond thrilled and feel so blessed to have Elise smiling and healthy every. single. day. Once we found out Griffin wasn't going to make it, that his condition was terminal unless he lived his entire life in the hospital, if that was even possible, I have had this strong urge to have tons of babies. I can't explain it other than trying to fill that gaping hole inside of me and the empty arms I feel no matter how often Elise is now in them... because she will never be Griff. I know we won't try for more than 3 if we even get lucky enough to have #2 and still want to try again, but that emotional pull for lots of babies is very strong no matter how illogical. I have concerns about my emotional state if/when I get pregnant again, but I keep thinking it will be easier this next time and I will come here every day again if that's what I need to do. I will seek out help and support and hope I can get through it once again.
Again, I'm so happy to hear how you ladies are doing. Amanda, I wasn't around a lot when you were here but I do remember hearing about your Freya and Charlotte. Yes, we are so blessed just to have our living children, but I miss my little man every single day.
I remember you checking on the pregnancy board while I was pregnant with our rainbow, Elise. It's good to hear from you and find out how things are going. I was so happy to read how well Benjamin is doing and how he's growing up! Grace's mom, good luck TTC again. We may be there soon as well, with many mixed emotions.
Griffin would be turning 2 this July, and there were a lot of anniversaries and new babies/pregnant mamas this time last year going through it with me on here. DH has wanted me pregnant right away again, though he was very aware that was not only impossible but not desirable for me both physically and mentally. We've known we want to try for more, but it took us 18 months with Griffin (5 rounds of Clomid and then pregnant with no drugs the next cycle) and only 1 round of Clomid with Elise. I only had about 4 true months not pregnant between the two though and the second pregnancy with Elise was MUCH harder. A lot of the symptoms and pains were more likely when pregnancies are less than 6-9months apart so I told DH that's one reason I want to wait at least 9 months. Elise is 8 months now sooooo.... I guess we are getting close. We have a trip planned to my hometown in Wisconsin at the end of June so I want to wait until we get back. Elise will be just over 10months then and as much as I'd love to have my body back for a little while longer, I also have this emotional urge to have lots of babies and I'm soon to be 34. That's not old, but who knows how long things will take. Logically, I only want to try for 2, maybeeeeee.....3. Like you said, I don't know if we will have a choice in the matter and we are beyond thrilled and feel so blessed to have Elise smiling and healthy every. single. day. Once we found out Griffin wasn't going to make it, that his condition was terminal unless he lived his entire life in the hospital, if that was even possible, I have had this strong urge to have tons of babies. I can't explain it other than trying to fill that gaping hole inside of me and the empty arms I feel no matter how often Elise is now in them... because she will never be Griff. I know we won't try for more than 3 if we even get lucky enough to have #2 and still want to try again, but that emotional pull for lots of babies is very strong no matter how illogical. I have concerns about my emotional state if/when I get pregnant again, but I keep thinking it will be easier this next time and I will come here every day again if that's what I need to do. I will seek out help and support and hope I can get through it once again.
Again, I'm so happy to hear how you ladies are doing. Amanda, I wasn't around a lot when you were here but I do remember hearing about your Freya and Charlotte. Yes, we are so blessed just to have our living children, but I miss my little man every single day.
May 6, 2014 |
Jessica
Jessica
Last year this time was leading up to a bumper season for rainbow babies, and I was wondering how all the moms were doing? Em, Chrissy, Erin, Steph, Grace's Mom, Via, AtoZ, Nikki and a good few others?
Benjamin is fabulous and an absolute joy - a real little boy, sticking his nose into everything, pulling things off tables and the like. I am so grateful to have him, but of course, long daily for his sister Grace and what could have been.
I'm feeling the pull to try for a living sibling for him, but am conflicted... it's not just DH and I anymore and so we have to consider the impact of anything going wrong on Ben too. Is anyone else in the same quandary?
Love to you all
xoxoxo