Bobbie is starting her settling in sessions this week ready for nursery. I haven't left her these past 8 months for more than an hour, nobody else has ever got her to sleep
, she always wakes up from naps and sees me. We play, go to baby groups and cuddle all day and she is the happiest most sociable secure little thing. I'm starting to constantly fight back tears, my chest is getting permanently tight and I'm snapping and impatient to those around me. I can't bare it. The thought of her wondering where I am and thinking I've abandoned her. I miss her when she is sleeping and I'm right next to her let alone when she is in a bloody nursery for 8hrs! What if out relationship changes and she doesn't feel the same about me now im leaving her for so long?
Then there's the terror that something may happen to her whilst I'm away. What if she chokes and dies. The other night I reminded myself to start buying painkillers at every shop so that I had them in my locker at work ready to take if this occurred. Every time I open a newspaper it seems a new story of a baby choking and dying at nursery is there.
I just can't share the thought of her crying, confused and needing her mum.
How the hell will I leave her.

I remember feeling the exact same way when I left my first daughter. I know if you had a choice to not leave Bobbie, you wouldn't. The fact for many of us is, that to put a roof over their heads and food in their mouths, we need to work.

After a few settling in sessions can you leave her for 10 minutes then come back? Play a bit more then leave for half an hour then come back. Then the following session leave her for an hour or 2 and come back? This will show her that you will always come back for her. It might be reassuring for you too to see she settles after a while (and although she WILL miss you, she will make relationships with her carers). She will not think of you any differently, she will love you just as much.

On the worrying about her choking- I feel the same way about our rainbow starting care in July. My daughter was not one to put things in her mouth so I didn't worry about it with her, but my son, whoa. He puts EVERYTHING in his mouth. I am very worried about it but will speak with his carer and see what things are put in place to avoid this being an issue.

Will Bobs be in a dedicated nursery room aimed for under 18 months or so? Are all the toys aimed at her age group and appropriate for that age? What routines and procedures do they have in place for preventing her getting hold of anything she can choke on? Can you have a chat to the carers so they can tell you about their centre policies and hopefully reassure you?

I'm probably not much help but want you to know you are not alone. Leaving our babies sucks and I wish I could spend everyday being with my rainbow and keeping him safe. I'm also totally paranoid about him getting sick- he's not been sick yet (apart from a tiny cough which I think was from having the aircon on overnight) and I worry that all those germs are going to make him sick- I wish I could protect him forever.

I had to go back to work when Rosabella was 3 months old. Luckily my DH was able to stay home with her. I was so afraid that she would love him more than me, but she doesn't, in fact when she is upset she still wants her Mama. It is so hard leaving her to work, but we need the income and she has done fine. We are looking into starting pre-school once she turns 1 in a few months, so my DH can work and she can get some socialization with other kids.

The choking fear is hard since babies put everything in their mouths. Make sure that you nursery has her in a class with age appropriate toys and that they are all trained in infant CPR. It isn't perfect, but it is the best we can do. Much love!

I'm losing the plot :( poor Bobbie. It's so unfair that money dictates my babies life. After staying with her the first time I then stayed for a while the second time but then sat on the reception for 30mins. She cried and cried when I left and when I went back although she smiled at first for the rest of the day and night she was incredibly clingy obsessed with not letting go of me at all and just really fretful :( I feel so very guilty.

Hi Danielle, it's tough leaving your baby with strangers... I'm sorry. What did you think of the staff after staying there for a bit? Hopefully they're competent and caring and you can be comfortable that Bobbie is in good hands... I guess Bobbie is at the stage where she is fearful of strangers and it's normal that she'd be upset at first. I hope that after a few days she'll get to know and like her caregivers. And it might even be good for her to socialize with other adults and children.

Sending lots of love to you both, and to your sweet boy Freddie.
xo