It has been a hard few weeks. The emotion leading up to Grace's birthday was so hard, and then getting through her days and wanting to honor her instead of just mourning her. Plus parenting Rosabella and taking care of all our pets, shopping for groceries, making meals, pumping milk, laundry, oh and working full time I guess that I have not been as supportive as my DH needs.

He has some medical issues that have been causing him pain for a year now, and he has not been very proactive about his health care. There is a lot of whining and excuses for why he cannot help out. He has been yelling at me all day about how I am not sympathetic enough and I apologize and try to explain and I get more snottiness.

I am tired and I am sad and I am feeling over extended and broken inside. I will try to do better, but if he cannot start to lift some of the responsibilities off my shoulders I feel like I will crumble soon. I know that some of his jerkiness is from pain, some from grief and some because he was raised to be selfish, but it has been hard.

I want to take some time just for us, but we have no sitter and when he acts like this I would rather have some me time instead of us time.

Sorry for rambling I am just struggling.

Oh Grace's Mom, it is so hard when you are at different places and both need different things. I get it. I wish I lived near you so I could take Rosabella for a few hours so you could get a break together for awhile. I think it's so important for couples to keep seeing each other even when they have kids to tend to. Is there anyone around you that can recommend a sitter? Friends rave about Care.com, but I am still not quite there myself, so I get how that can feel weird. Or...some cities have those expensive by-the-hour places. Might be worth it?

I'm sending you love and energy for patience and compassion for one another (which you seem to have!) and for things in your household to even out. Would you be able to leave the baby with DH for a couple of hours and maybe go take a yoga class or something to help calm your mind and spirit? Meditation helps me. Peace and light to you!

Thinking of you and your family tonight. I'm so sorry life is complicated and exhausting in many ways. As if your baby dying isn't hard enough, now you have to argue about how you survive. And with added dynamics of life continuing on in the ways it just does, it's too much sometimes. I'm unsure about the communication you and dh have, but you articulated your love, concerns and limitations quite well above. Have you tried honestly talking with him about this? Josh and I have had very difficult conversations since Ethan died. They were so hard to have and hear, but allowed us to move forward. Sending you strength, peace and love.

Dear Grace's Mom,
The first year as new parents is make it or break it kind of year, and with the added stress related to grief, it must be more intense for sure. I have a friend who is a counselor specialized in the changed dynamics in a couple after their first child. It might be a good idea for you to look into someone who could help you avoid a crisis, and feeling sad and depressed about your couple. I believe couples usually see a counselor when it's a little too late. I don't know of any good books to read on that, but I know you like to document yourself and be proactive about your life. So hopefully you can find some good reads that will help you both.
Take it easy though. The house will be messy, dirty, and you might not eat as healthy as you should, but finding time for each other you know that's priceless.
We're here for you whenever you need to vent. Take care of yourself most of all.

xoxo

I am so sorry you are feeling sad and unsupported.
You sound overwhelmed and tired and I am so sorry .
Can you delegate any of the household jobs out to others ?
Even for a short while . The people who love you may not realise that you
Need a hand and that doing just a little bit of ironing can help so much,
I spend time with my grief counsellor at work and she helps counsel all of my life I don't know if that Is an option for you. Try to get some sleep too and get hold of some
Us AND me time. Just book a date. Even just I one night out to the movies can make all the difference in finding each other again. . Good luck x

Dear Grace's mom,

I get it. We have been struggling over here too. We fight more then we have ever fought before. My DH feels that I am not their for him, that our relationship is on the back burner and that it has been fore 3 years. I think he is right but I'm exhausted,emotionally, physically and spiritually, Just drained. I miss Henry everyday, I wonder if my DH knows that I still think of Henry each day and it weighs on me to carry on looking happy for our rainbow baby. We are now trying to plan time alone together but it is not easy that is for sure. We have both said that we want it to work and that we are willing to do what it takes but like you sometimes I don't know where I will find the energy to carry on.

I'm thinking of you my friend and hoping for better days for all of us.

Hismommy

A relationship after loss is so hard. I remember this well. Hang on everyone. I care.