Hi All, For those of you who celebrate Christmas, how are you coping? I am finding much more joy this year than last, but there is still a tenderness always and a deep sadness in some moments. We are happy to have our new babe with us and our almost 4 year old is beside himself with excitement. I'm glad to be able to share it with him more this year. Last year I wanted it over ASAP. This year we have a tree with some ornaments for Chiara, a stocking for her we will fill with flowers, and she has been a part of daily conversation as a result. This makes me happy and soothes my sadness. In what ways are you incorporating your lost children? What has been helpful or difficult? Warm wishes to all as we head towards the longest night of the year.

We really struggled with this, we totally skipped Christmas last year after losing R and I was 8 weeks pregnant with D so just hid away.

R was due in november 12 but was born in the July after I went into PTL at 23 weeks. Last Christmas I should have had a new snuggly baby, instead I had grief and early pg nausea, great.

This year we had to make ourselves get into the Christmas spirit and we have found a lot of joy in doing it (watching a 5 month old being fascinated by twinkly fairy lights is awesome!) but some things have really kicked my ass when I was least expecting it - going to buy D a stocking then having a complete meltdown at home later because I didn't get one for R but I couldn't bear the thought of getting one and seeing it stay empty...

I am very lucky that I have a very patient and logical DH who simply suggested we get a small decorative stocking for R that isn't intended to have anything in it. That small thing really helped me feel R is included in our Christmas.

Holiday time is tough but I'm just so relieved that the joy is back, this time a year ago I couldn't fathom how I would ever have a 'merry Christmas ' ever again.

I love the stocking full of flowers. If we were spending Christmas at our own home, I think I would do that this year, too. (Next year.) I'm finding Christmas this year a little easier than last - it is actually the first Christmas in four years that I haven't been pregnant! E turns 5 just before Christmas so is the perfect age for it all, and of course, having sweet little M here is absolutely wonderful. I do so miss their sister, though. Christmas two years ago, when I was 26 weeks pregnant with Anja, was one of the happiest I've ever known - anticipating sisters, feeling safe and happy in my pregnancy. Last year was terribly difficult because of those memories, because of missing her and wanting her desperately, and because of being on constant tenterhooks with her brother, with whom I was 20 weeks pregnant. I suppose it will always be a fraught time, but I want it also to be magical and joyful for E and M.

Things we've done: we bought an ornament for Anja last year, and another one this year, and I think we will do that every year. This year we bought two of the same ornaments for her and brought one with us to her grandparents', where we are spending Christmas. I don't have a stocking for her, but I want one for next year and will do the flower thing, too; I think that is just lovely. Last year we planned to buy toys to donate in her memory, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I found a lot of the 'commemorating' stuff really hard when I was pregnant, because I didn't want to have to picture myself doing it for two babies, and I was so scared he wouldn't make it. This year we did buy some toys and donated them. We let E pick out what we'd buy, and focused on getting toys for a little girl who would be about the same age Anja would've been had she lived. It was sad - much sadder than I anticipated, buying something for her and giving it away - but it also felt good, and I like that it both helps E connect to her sister and learn about giving to others at this time of year.

We visit the Christmas market in our city and ride the carousel, which is something we did while I was pregnant and it makes me feel closer to her, even though it also makes me very sad. It's at the Christmas market also where we get the decoration.

I guess that is about all we do, besides the way we always include her, by talking about her, wondering about her.

It's a hard time of year. I don't think all the hardness of it has hit me yet and I am anticipating some hard, hard days. E's birthday is one of those, too - another reminder of what Anja will never have.

Sending love to all you mamas who are trying to make Christmas magic for living children and grieving at the same time...

Aurelia we seem to be in similar situations. I'm celebrating Xmas this year with my almost 4 year old and my 16 week old baby. We are missing our middle angel who should have been almost 2. I'm also finding it slightly easier this year, I'm sure part of which is a result of being very busy. There are times though, more frequently as we get closer to Xmas day, that I find myself in floods of tears because celebrating without one of my children is so damn unfair.

Thinking of all mums and dads missing part of their heart these holidays x