I put up our Christmas tree today. And I was hit with a wall of overwhelming sadness that I'm missing one of my children. Christmases will always be without her. I took a photo of my two laughing smiling babies and missed the one who is buried in the ground. This sucks.

The holidays have always been hard for me... my mother has a lot of psychological issues and the season brings out her worst. Last year she was in the hospital after trying to kill herself. The year I was pregnant with Grace was miserable, I made my DH promise that in 2012 we would go up north and rent a cabin with the dogs and Grace and we would have a little private family Christmas, no one else invited. Then she died and Christmas 2012 was so sad and so painful. All my dreams of starting good holiday traditions with my daughter got flushed down the toilet and I was ordering memorial ornaments and making donations in her name instead of spoiling her. I was sobbing uncontrollably on the floor in front of the Christmas tree on Christmas morning.

This year her ornament is ordered and her wish list on amazon is for the kids at the children's hospital. I miss her just as much, but it does seem a tiny bit easier than last year. I would give anything to have my two girls together this Christmas.

You are right sucks so much. Sending love and hugs and hope for peace of the heart, for both of us this holiday season

How weird, my name came up as the title and Anon went into the name.... what is going on?!

Thank you Grace's Mum. x

Thinking of you xx I get it, the last 2 Christmases have been hard and empty but this year it's a different kind of hard especially, a bittersweet one where there is joy to be had with Bobbie but sadness that Freddie isn't here taking her presents and opening them for her or wearing his big brother outfit. Worse still we were denied a first Christmas together. It's never going to be ok. But I think he and his little girlfriend will be splitting Xmas between sunny England and Australia :) x

That made me smile Danielle! Sorry we have to walk this road but I'm so glad we found each other to walk with xx