I had a crappy day at work. I made a mistake and I am upset about that. I am stressed. I did not pump enough milk for Rosabella. I feel like I am failing as a working Mom since I cannot pump enough and may need to start supplementing with formula. I miss her so much while I am at work, I really want to quit, but we need the money. I have been looking for a job closer to home, but no luck yet. I am also so angry that Grace is gone. I am so angry that I only have one baby at home, not a baby and a toddler. I want them both. I want to not feel broken inside. If I could just catch up on everything without something new popping up.

I hear ya Grace's Mom. I feel this way almost every day after work! Grieving, a new baby, nursing-it is a lot to bear, emotionally and physically. Don't worry about your mistake at work-it too shall pass. Just take care of yourself and cherish your time with your Rainbow. Going back to work after having a baby is hard for everyone, let alone people like us that are facing an unbearable loss.
Sometimes being pregnant, working full time, and grieving my son are too much for me. And then I just cry myself to sleep. And I wonder why don't I feel as if I have an "angel" watching over me because this is all so hard. If my angel baby is up there, why can't he help me?!! I am tired and sad too, and I am worried that my rainbow feels all of it. (I am 25 weeks preg). Just know I feel your pain and your exhaustion. I hope your rainbow girl does bring you happiness when you are with her :-)

Sending a huge hug your way and heaps of empathy. I, too, have been so stressed out lately, though I've noticed now that it comes and goes, the most intense stress, anyway, with the tides of my grief - if I am missing A an extra lot, the regular stress of 'normal' life can be impossible to bear. That sounds so obvious written down, but I didn't see it clearly at first and now that I do, it helps. I remind myself that I am bereaved, I am still grieving, and I try - try, don't always succeed - to cut myself some slack. Anyway...know you're not alone; holding your hand from afar.

I have been there. I am not there today, but I have been there and then out and then gone back again. It is a LOT to juggle, to withstand, to cope with day to day. I posted recently about my feelings as mom of a newborn with my first child, before our loss. It was exhausting and pushed all my limits and I felt so fragile. I was constantly feeling inadequate. He was not a good breastfeeder and after 3 months of triple feeding I switched to exclusively pumping. I pumped 6X/day for 10.5 months. Craziness. I am so proud to have done it, but I struggled. There never seemed to be enough milk and I did have to supplement with formula. It was not what I wanted, but it worked out OK. But I do remember how hard it was, and that was without the additional stress of having lived through the death of a baby. That adds a whole other dimension to the emotional upheaval of parenting a tiny baby. I'm doing this now with my 5 month old and it is hard. There have been lots of tears. Lots of days like you describe above. I really relate to your feeling of, "if I could just catch up on everything without something new cropping up".

I want to tell you something that was really important for me as a mom of a newborn, and that is that you are doing a good job. You are a good Mom. You are working so hard for Rosabella, and every drop of milk you make for her is precious, even if you have to supplement at some point. Remind yourself of this, of all that you are doing for her, honor your hard work and go easy on yourself. Having a new baby is a marathon. Things will change each month and they will ease up. The to-do list will wax and wane, but it will eventually feel more manageable. I wish you lots of luck working out your employment situation. I'm so sorry you aren't at home taking care of both of your girls. I share your sadness and anger about that. Take good care.

Thank you all so much for understanding and listening. Today is better. Yesterday I just took care of Rosabella. We played and sang and did Mommy Baby stuff and it was wonderful. I made a promise to myself that once she was 6 months (tomorrow) I could relax about pumping and just do my best and supplement if needed. Aurelia I cannot imagine exclusive pumping what a commitment to your baby! Julie, yes Rosabella is the light of my life and being with her is like a balm on all the wounded parts of me. Hoping that your rainbow arrives safe and sound! JLD, yes the waves of grief and stress match one another, but the relation of the two never seems clear in the moment.

Graces Mom-glad ur doing better! Don't worry about supplementing. Living on breastmilk alone is sometimes not enough. It is hard to produce
Tons of milk when ur stressed, tired and grieving.
Ur doing great! And ur baby loves u so
Much. Also glad to know she is helping heal :-)