I am having a hard day and have no one to talk to, then I thought of Glow.

My second child, Martha, died 2.5 years ago. My rainbow baby, another girl, is turning one tomorrow. I can't stop crying. I haven't cried like this for more than 6 months (I've certainly cried but not tears like this!). It kind of makes sense that this milestone would be bitter sweet but it still took me by surprise.

My son is now 4 and 9 months, it only hit me yesterday that Martha would be 3 months older than the age he was when she was born. When she was born it felt like he had been around forever. It feels like she has been gone forever and like her birth happened only yesterday. Time is so strange.

I miss her so much.

I don't have any words of wisdom, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet Martha. Thinking of you, Martha and your family. I hope your day got better.

Hi MM, I'm thinking of you and your dear Martha. I'm so sorry she isn't here with you. I hear you about time being strange. I agree that after only a short time with our living children, it is like they have been with us always. I hope that your day and the days ahead get better.

mm - thinking of Martha with you tonight. I find time to be bizarre now. Hoping the intense cry offered you an emotional release in a way. Hoping tomorrow is gentler on you.

I'm thinking of you and your Martha. Thanks for posting. Xo

Thank you for your replies ladies, it means a lot.

My mood did pick up and we had a lovely celebration for my daughter's birthday. Initially we felt as we do on Martha's birthday, like we didn't want to share it with anyone, almost like they don't deserve to be included as they don't understand how we feel. Like her birthday is too personal. But the grandparents were very excited so we included them and we all had a lovely day. They probably deserve more credit sometimes.

Aurelia, I should have read your post first about balancing joy with sadness. It's very much where I have been struggling.

I just miss my daughter. Some days still hurt more than others. But I actually like having a day now and then when it hurts more. Sometimes I miss the extreme pain of the early grief as I feel as I heel she is slipping further away. The pain makes me feel closer. This journey is constantly evolving and sometimes it's hard to keep up. I feel I am still getting my head around the enormity of it all.

Thank you ladies, love to you all.