We have been having more and more issues with nap time with our rainbow. She is 5 months old and now only my DH can get her to sleep during the day. He swaddles her and then rocks, shimmies and pats her to sleep on a pillow and then transfers her to her crib. She will sleep 2,3 even 4 hours like this. Anyone else tries and screaming for at least an hour. At night she still sleeps with me and I nurse her to sleep and then multiple times throughout the night. I love the time I have with her at night. I work, a lot, so having those middle of the night moments is special, but after reading 4 books on baby sleep I know that we have to make some changes or the nap issues will persist. Also it would be nice not to go to bed at 8 pm every night and never get any alone time with my DH.

So has anyone been through sleep training? How long did it take? How do you deal with feeling like the worst parent in the world during the process? I have read the "No Cry Sleep Solution" and tried some of the suggestions, but they don't seem to work. Every other book I have read is some form of graduated extinction (cry it out) and they are all written by respected sleep researchers who really seem to make sense... Ugh I just want my girl to nap without some elaborate ritual that only works for one person!

Hi Graces mum,

I know you were asking for opinions on sleep training but I wanted to offer some of our experience. We have never used sleep training at all. We have three living children. All nursed frequently overnight for at least a year (usually i nightweaned at around 2.5 years) and we loved this, I worked very long hours with our first especially as a junior doctor and nights were my magic time.

As for day sleeps, we chose to mostly carry our children for the first nine months, they slept in a safe, good quality sling. They started to be more able to settle on their own between nine months and a year for day sleeps.

I hear about wanting some evening time and wishing day sleeps were easier, but can I also say that looking back (our living kids are now 5, 10 and 13) the months of sleepy snuggles seem like they were too short and I wish I had worried less about it at the time. Will your daughter be exclusively with your husband for day sleeps? If not she will just need slow transitions to new carers. In my experience our kids have adapted to the different rituals and roles of each parent and of the involved grandparents.

Mostly I wanted to say if you can try to just surrender to the snuggles and time with your little one. I get about 10sec of hug at a time from my 13 year old and I am very glad for all the time we had before. My motto in the hard times of infancy was "this too will pass" and it usually seemed to just as I was feeling I couldn't manage it anymore.

Thinking of you,

For what it's worth, we did the strict cry it out approach with our three who made it home (even here I can't say our three without feeling like I betray Ethan and myself). It was hard, but worthwhile for us. Our daughter was easy - 2 nights of crying at six months. Our boys were longer, but less than a week. Best of luck to you. Sleep will return some day.

Hi Grace's Mom,

We were struggling the same as you. We tried everything and nothing seemed to work. Then, one day our daycare provider mentioned that Rhys had been laid on his side and eventually he rolled to his stomach and slept for 3.5 hours. So, against all SIDS advice, we put him in his crib on his stomach and to our amazement he slept from 7pm straight until 5am the next day. Now he naps in the morning for 1.5 to 2 hours and again in the afternoon for 2-3 hours. All I do is lay him in his crib, turn his music on and leave. He fusses for maybe a minute and then is out. It was the best thing we ever did. I was paranoid about SIDS though and bought an AngelCare monitor that detects breathing. It alarms if he doesn't move. He was about 7 months old when we figured out he was a stomach sleeper. We are all getting a lot more sleep now and my baby is so much happier too.

This worked for us and as you know, not all babies are the same. Also, you may not be comfortable with it but I am so glad we gave it a try. Good luck and I hope happier sleeping times are ahead for you!

Hi Grace's Mom,
I have three living children and from experience and talking to neonatal nurses, it's better to wait until they're 6 months old to start and do any kind of cry-it-out sleep-training. At 5 months old, even babies who were very good sleepers sometimes start waking through the night again. I've seen it happen with my children and the lactation consultant confirmed that all textbooks somehow seem to concur on the fact that 5 months must mark some kind of developmental milestone, because that's when most moms complain that their baby stopped sleeping through the night.
Obviously, lots of parents sleep-train their babies before 6 months, but then you're going to have to brace yourself for a lot of crying and fussing. And it may take a lot longer. After 6 months, babies seem to be a lot more able to develop self-soothing techniques that they might keep for most of their early childhood. When I sleep-trained Ysmael, I started with 10 minutes of crying one night. 15 minutes the next, and I think by night 3 he was good to go for naps too. Also, I absolutely avoid eye-contact when I put him down half-awake. I don't personally use pacifiers, although I've heard they work well for some babies. I don't use white noise machines. None of my kids had a lovey, but Ysmael does like light fluffy blankets (I think blankets are not recommended though). When i put him down to sleep, he sometimes fusses, then I give him the blanket, he holds on to it and he immediately stops crying.
Then again, when they start teething, crawling, walking, it's back to square one!

Good luck!

I second what NZ Anna said. I had 3 boys who I sleep trained. I had Eva who I also sleep trained. I wish I never had. I think her heart condition would have been more noticeable to me if I hadn't. I don't know. But I deeply regret sleep training her and nursing her on schedule. I am much more relaxed with my rainbow. Not relaxed like I think everything will be ok but relaxed in that I nurse him to sleep if he wants to. I rock him. He sleeps in our bed (sidecar crib) etc...this time passes so fast. My oldest doesn't even want me to kiss him anymore. An ergo carrier for daytime is great and good for your back. Also, I have found that my kids sleep better on their sides or bellies. A good read is the 5S's from The Happiest Baby on the Block, I think that is the title. Whatever you do stay away from Babywise, please.

I second what NZ Anna said. I had 3 boys who I sleep trained. I had Eva who I also sleep trained. I wish I never had. I think her heart condition would have been more noticeable to me if I hadn't. I don't know. But I deeply regret sleep training her and nursing her on schedule. I am much more relaxed with my rainbow. Not relaxed like I think everything will be ok but relaxed in that I nurse him to sleep if he wants to. I rock him. He sleeps in our bed (sidecar crib) etc...this time passes so fast. My oldest doesn't even want me to kiss him anymore. An ergo carrier for daytime is great and good for your back. Also, I have found that my kids sleep better on their sides or bellies. A good read is the 5S's from The Happiest Baby on the Block, I think that is the title. Whatever you do stay away from Babywise, please.

Thank you so much for all the replies! It is so hard to know what to do. We certainly are more "attachment" parenting types, but with Rosabella only taking naps for my DH I knew that we needed to make some changes so that she can be watched by a sitter or take naps for me on my days off.

NZ Anna we have a Mai Tai and a soft structured carrier and she loves them when we are out, but in the house she hates being in them, so although I was really excited about baby wearing it just doesn't seem to work for her.

So I read Sleepwise, The No Cry Method, Sleeping through the Night and most of Goodnight Sleep Tight. I sort of made up my own mishmash approach based on all of them. I nursed her until she was sleepy, but not asleep and then put her in her Arm's Reach co-sleeping bassinet and talked to her and patted her until she fell asleep. The first night was brutal an hour and 5 minutes of crying, my DH slept in his studio. I was in tears and shaking and I hated it, I felt like a complete zero as a parent. The next night she went to sleep in 20 minutes, the third 3 and last night 1 minute. I am not worried about her sleeping through, if she wakes up during the night I just bring her into bed with me to nurse. I basically want her to be able to put herself to sleep so that I can do a few things around the house after work, spend non-baby time with my DH and maybe someday go out to dinner without her screaming the entire time we are gone because she is tired. She is also going down for naps much easier since we started this, my DH only uses a light swaddle and she sleeps for 2 hours a nap, he can hear her rouse on the baby monitor and then put herself back to sleep.

Karine, It was so interesting what you said about waiting until 6 months, most of the books want you to start at 3 months! I think one of the hardest things about being a new parent (to a living baby) is everything you hear and read contradicts the other things you have read.

Well I hope that I have not completely messed my baby up, she seems okay!

Grace's Mom, you guys are great parents! It seems Rosabella was ready! You did your own research, followed your baby's cues and did what felt right for your family. That's all that matters. For me, it is just that my babies were not so ready (or we weren't ready!) before 6 months and after that mark, it felt so much easier and painless. But again, what works for one family may not work for the next one. Like you, I read a lot of stuff, subscribed to newsletters, talked to nurses and peds and then made my own mish-mash! I view sleep-training like potty training, when the kid is ready for it, it's painless, when you decide when it should be done it's frustrating and takes ages.
I'm glad you are happy about the new routine. Rosabella is a lucky little girl!

I just wanted to chime in and say I appreciate all of the advice and hearing what works for people. Elise won't really go down on her own when she's awake and yet I'm not trying to sooth her to sleep all the way before putting her down. We swaddle, have white noise, swing or rock her on us and then out her down. If she's basically asleep but semi opens her eyes as we put her down she's fine. If she's more awake, even if it's a minute before she would fall asleep in me, she'll work herself up to a cry in a few minutes. She's only 9 weeks old but I've pretty much decided that for now we do what's easy because that's all she's ready for. When she's older I may try what you did Graces mom, since I doubt she will magically start going down awake without crying and putting herself to sleep. I love her sleeping on me for some naps. I'm trying to soak up as much of that as possible like you said Karine

I am chuckling to myself at this (very helpful!) conversation because I think this might be the one small advantage to having twins. The truth is that there is going to be NO way for us to rock and comfort both babies to sleep even from day 1. Its a small advantage in the blur of sleepless nights I know we will encounter (assuming both babies make it home - right now I'm counting on that!), but perhaps they will have to "sleep train" from the very beginning. We'll see. Right now, my way of dealing with planning for the stress of having two infants at once is to pretend that it can't possibly be "as bad" as they say it will be. :-) We're also saving our pennies diligently to perhaps get a night nurse for a few nights a week... we'll see.

Hope its ok with you all that I listen in on these conversations. I need all the pre-help I can get!

Hello mamas. I am still pregnant, so I have no personal experience with sleep training, since we never got to take our little Sara home. However, I have friends, relatives and patients always complaining about the difficulties with sleep training. To be honest, I think it has to do with the family values. If co-sleeping makes you, baby and your partner happy, then do it. If you need baby to learn self-soothing, try other techniques. There are many books and articles out there with all kinds of advice. Read them and take whatever you think it's going to work for you. I read a few and liked The Baby Whisperer. I was impressed with the results from the moms who followed it.
It's hard to find a way that won't make us feel guilty for not spending time as a couple or not holding baby for enough time. Not to mention time for ourselves (who???). I hope you can make it work

Grace's Mom, Way to go on finding what works for you and getting Rosabella to sleep on her own! I look forward to getting there with Felix.

Just wanted to share a great book I'm reading called, Bedtiming, which talks age spans that are better or worse for sleep training, depending on what developmental changes are happening from birth - 4years old.