Hello ladies, I know some of you from the pregnancy thread. I am 10 weeks pregnant and have been very emotional, wondering if I will ever be happy again. For those of you with a healthy rainbow, can you answer me that? I know we will never be complete, that no one will ever replace our babies, but do you ever take a deep breath and give a sincere and happy smile? Have you found a way to feel joy, to not want to cry all the time?
I know you are all VERY busy taking care of your little ones, but I really wanted to hear from you. Thank you

Hi Regina,

I was extremely emotional throughout my whole pregnancy, especially in the first trimester. It was really hard. Hang in there.

As far as happiness goes...I find it all pretty complicated. I think I do have moments of sincere happiness now. I still cry alot. Parenting Gabe is bittersweet every single day. I always wonder what Charlotte would have been like at this age. Sometimes I visualize having the two of them here instead of just the one, and it just makes me ache. That said, I cherish every minute with Gabriel, and I think I'm finding the same pleasure in daily life with him that non-loss parents do. It's just more complicated for us. On the days when I'm missing Charlotte the most, I spend time telling Gabriel all about her. It makes me feel better to talk to him about her.

Try to take your pregnancy one day at a time. It's really, really hard. XX

I second everything Nikki wrote. Just will add that I'm learning to nurture the wound that is in my heart, knowing it will never heal- but that it is a part of who I am and that my lost baby has brought wholeness too- not just sorrow. Thinking of you. Xo

Regina,
I can say that even before I conceived our rainbow Alexandra, even thru the trials of ttc, there were moments of sincere happiness. We are 3 years out from our loss, and ago I know that has a lot to do with it.the first year after losing Simone I reeled from the shock of it, three second year was dealing with her absence minus the shock. Life affluent creeps in, and for me,I found myself adjusting to the loss.coming to some form of acceptance/realization that life just isn't fair and never will be. That said, bring pregnant again was tough and I didn't let myself dream about a future with Simone's sibling.I just took it a day at a time.now that Alexandra is here, there are definite happy moments, the I am so grateful she made it and is here moments. There are also moments when I am completely overwhelmed because carrying for a newborn is hard, and I think a bit more so for moms in our position.long story short, happiness will come, but I can't tell you when as everyone is different.hang in there.xoxo

sorry for typosand confusion in my past typing with one hand on my phone