I've been meaning to check in here for a long time, but life has been busy. I'm very happy to see this spot though since this is probably where a lot of my struggles lie today. Very short back story, I lost my son in July of 2012. We had him full term, didn't know there was anything wrong with him until the second he was born, and then things went horribly wrong. He lived 7 weeks. I had his brother less than 1 year later, and he joined his older sisters, 7 years old and 5 years old. Now that my son is 4 months old, my husband is asking if I want him to make the appointment for a vasectomy. We always discussed the fact that we wanted 3, and now that we have our 3 healthy children, our family is complete. The problem is that I'm having all kinds of anxiety around this. It's a completely irrational thought process of, "Well, what if something happens to one of our kids...we won't be able to have another one." Of course if something happened to one of them another baby wouldn't replace them. I guess somewhere in my mind, I must be waiting for the next calamity to occur, and it's almost like I want to fill the house with children so that I have something left when the next tragedy occurs.

I don't know...it's all very confusing. I know that 3 is the perfect number for us, and we are older (I'm 38 and my husband is 43) so we should really be done. Having another baby because I'm scared that something will happen to one of my children is just not rational, and I know this. But still, I want to delay the vasectomy for a few years "just in case."

Anyone else feel this way? How are you/have you dealt with this?
CaroLilly

I haven't experienced this difficult decision, but if you are having doubts - for whatever reason - it may be important to give some consideration to those before you and your husband go forward with this. Perhaps you could wait until your baby is just a little bit older, maybe a year or two, to reassess whether you really feel done or not? Then you won't have regrets (or at least not so many) if you find you've changed how you feel.

I'm in a similar, yet different, position. We had three healthy children (our youngest being five months at the time) when my husband had his vasectomy. I didn't want him to, but understood and respected it. The night before his surgery I conceived our son Ethan unexpectedly. Ethan was born and died four days later unexpectedly. Honestly, I wish my husband reversed his vasectomy. Not to replace Ethan - but to allow us a chance for a rainbow. I understand your anxieties. I have them too. But what I hear from your post is that you feel your family is complete (of course wishing you had all four at home). I think that says a lot. We cannot know what the future holds. I've been trying to live in the moment as best I can. And if the present feels right, perhaps that says a lot.

Hang in mama. Nothing is simple any longer huh?