I love Grace so much. I miss her every day, but before Rosabella was born I felt closer to her. I want to find a place or a way to connect with Grace again. To have something that is just about her, just for us. Between working full time at a stressful job and Rosabella I am exhausted most of the time. Baby girl I love you.

I have felt similar about missing Griffin yet feeling very disconnected from him as well. I'm so busy with Elise and so tired it feels like I can't tap into him and my memories the same way...or I think about him every time I close my eyes and cry a little, but can't seem to really tap into him the way I used to. I feel like I'm loosing him more and more, yet I don't necessarily want to be wallowing in grief aand disfunctional every day either. I have no advice, just can really relate to your post. I'm sorry Grace's mom.

I can really relate to this too-- with what both of you wrote.

I recently (2+ years later) made a photo album about Shoshanna. It has some pregnancy photos and other writings and pictures after we lost her. At the end, I put in a photo of my rainbow baby (because I believe that Julia's existence is connected to Shoshanna's). I find when I have a moment I look through that book, and it helps me to connect. I have also looked at it while Julia is playing or reading herself, and she'll come over and want to look through the book with me. It's my way of talking about Shoshanna with her, and she likes seeing a picture of herself at the end.

I am finding it hard to take "me" time, but if I can think to myself that this walk around the block by myself is a chance to take Shoshanna on a walk, then I make it happen, and I imagine what it would have been like to carve out special one-on-one time with each child.

Thanks for posting. I'd love to hear from others too. Xo

I am with you all, between the exhaustion, Bobbie and everyday life taking over I miss finding time to just "spend" with Freddie, listening to his songs, just laying still with his bear with nothing else happening around me, I've felt like this a while now,it's hard but once again I'm so very grateful for this space where I can find every thought echoed in others although god knows I wish it wasn't so and we had no need to be here. It's his 2nd birthday soon (I can't believe it) and on that day I'm going out by myself to just sit, eat a piece of cake, drink a hot chocolate and tell him happy birthday, inbetween crying my heart out

Graces mom my rainbow is only 8 days old and I can totally understand what you are saying. I said to my husband yesterday I really think I need to go to our baby lost group on Wednesday. As hard as it is to leave him it is so important to still work on connecting with Garrison. I feel like when I go to group it is all about him and not over shadowed by my new joy. As our group
Has a balloon realese next Sunday which I am excited about. Do u have any reasouces around you who will be doing something for infant loss month?

Oops posted too quick....
Even if there is nothing by you maybe the three of you could do something just for Grace. A special hike that reminds you if her, a balloon realese something that is just about Grace and you loss but that connects your whole family.

Thank you all so much for the support. Knowing that other feel the same way, makes me feel better. Katie, thank you for the suggestions about how to keep my relationship with her active. Last year I did a few things for the local Children's Hospital and called them "Acts of Grace" I am going to try and build on that this year and hopefully have some friends or family members help as well. I also ordered another Beach picture for her which came today. It is so lovely, just like her.

Sapphira I really like the baby book you made that you now look at with Julia. I like the idea of Elise growing up seeing pictures regularly of Griffin so he becomes a part of her daily life. Thank you for sharing.

I think this is normal, because when you have only one child (dead or alive), you can spend more time with that child, but then you spend time all together as a family, not so much alone with each individual child.
We carry our babies in our hearts and minds every day. I find the joy I experience every day with Ysmael is only possible because of Malak and it is deeper thanks to him. He helps me every day, smile and be grateful even when I feel exhausted and grumpy.

Dear Grace's Mom,

This comes to you from 22 years out from losing my daughter. One of the things that I have found is that a child's death is not like the memory of someone we love having died. Rather then a memory, it is a continuing relationship. Always in the present, not just the past. And like all close relationships, loving a child who is gone has its ups and downs, its times of closeness and then more distance, times of intimacy and times when you think you must both be on different planets.

If you are feeling more distant at this time, you are not forgetting Grace or losing her again or losing more of her. You couldn't forget her or not love her if you tried with all that you are. That nudge of discomfort is more that the relationship is changing, again and as always, and you are feeling the need to adjust it a bit.

Sending you lots of love and sympathy and wishing these were things you never had to know or think about.

Wow - that was amazing Jill A. Thank you for posting!

Thank you, Jill A.! So helpful to hear your words.

Grace's Mom, sending love.