Hi ladies. I'm head over heels in love with our little Elise who's now 3.5 weeks old and so thankful everyday I get to hold her. However she will not be laid down by herself to sleep no matter what I do. I have gotten her to fall asleep in the swing but otherwise she lays in the mini crib next to our bed and fusses the whole time. After an hour she starts to work herself up until she's crying. I have held her most nights while she sleeps but keep trying to ween her into sleeping on her own. I need sleep myself and I constantly worry something terrible will happen if I fall asleep with her (more than the little cat naps I have sitting up with her secure on my chest). I know it could be worse and she's a great baby, but the help I'm getting during the day from my mom is coming to an end soon. I don't know what I'm going to do when I can't nap at all during the day anymore. I feel like ill loose my mind bc ill be so freaking sleep deprived, and I've been an insomniac since I was 14 so know how to survive on very little sleep already. This is a whole different story when I can't take anything, I never get a break, and I have someone I love so much and I'm so worried about depending on me constantly. She ends up sleeping better during the day between my mom and I holding her (I never want to put her down if I'm a little bit rested) but I worry then we are fostering her sleep habits and promoting her having her nights and days backwards like most newborns. Any advice would be appreciated. Or even tell me how long I can maybe expect this. I know I carried her for 9 months so now that's how she feels most comfortable, and I love that. But how can I safely care for her by myself soon (while DH works and sometimes goes out of town) if I can't get any sleep in my own!!

Our son, Griffin went immediately to the NICU from birth and spent 4.5 weeks there before we moved him to hospice wher we cared for him almost exactly like any baby that age, other than keeping him on oxygen. He was already used to laying down on his own by that time of course after being forced to in the NICU (though we barely put him down that whole week) so I hadn't expected this problem with Elise. Please help!!

I sympathize, Jessica. Gabriel is 13 weeks old now, and has been an extremely needy baby from the start. That said, it is not abnormal at all for a baby that young to want to be held much of the time. As far as laying her down goes, maybe she needs to nurse more before she can sleep well? Is she swaddled? Gabe sleeps great when swaddled, but cannot sleep well at all if he isn't. Also, rocking him to sleep while he was swaddled made the transition into bed a lot less dramatic for him. In the early weeks, I remember just having to experiment in order to get his sleeping environment just right. For a while, he was uncomfortable because the fan was too strong. It took me a while to figure that out, but once I did he slept much better. It might help if you just give yourself over to it and expect to hold her alot/all the time. At 13 weeks, Gabe is just starting to become slightly more independent for very short stretches of time. Even now, he is in my arms for the much of his waking time. I know that doesn't help with your issue, but I thought it might help to know that your situation is not abnormal at all. Experiment to see if you can find just the right sleeping situation for Elise. In the meantime, know that there is nothing wrong with her being in your arms. It's confining, but if she needs it, then she needs it. That's how I feel about it, anyway. XX

Jessica, congratulations on Elise's safe arrival! I loved reading about Griffin when we overlapped on the pregnancy thread and am really happy to see that you've brought his little sister home. My little one needed to be held constantly in the early weeks and she would only sleep on someone's chest or in their arms for the first 4 weeks. My temporary solution was one of those soft stretchy wraps. I started carrying her most of the day, so that I could at least be mobile around the house and go for walks. My husband would then take over after work so that I could sleep for a bit in the evenings. Those wraps can look intimidating because of the length but an experienced mom gave me a short demonstration and it turned out to be pretty easy after a few tries. In my daughter's case, the need to be so close slowly passed in stages -- soon after she was happy to sleep in the bed next to me (obviously applying all the safe co-sleeping guidelines); then she was able to go down in the bedside cot for a couple of hours here and there. Now, at 3.5 months, she starts her nighttime sleep in her cot and can stay down for several hours. Only looking back do I appreciate just how incredibly tough it was to have to constantly hold your baby, so I hope you find a solution or just a way to cope with it soon.

We used the "Happiest Baby on the Block" techniques with Rosabella and still do for her naps. There is a instant download video on Amazon for $10 that describes the 5 S's and how to use them. It is about an hour long and my DH and I thought it was a life saver. Like A To Z we co-sleep with Rosabella and so I just nurse her to sleep at night in the side lying nursing position and we are both out in about 10 minutes. Then when she wakes at night I just feed her again, occasionally changing sides. We have a co-sleeping bassinet on the side of the bed so if she rolls she would land in her bassinet. I get so much sleep this way! But if co-sleeping is not for you consider the Arms Reach Co-sleeping bassinet, it attaches to the side of your bed, but provides a separate place for Elise to sleep

Naps were much more difficult for us to master, since Rosabella also wants to be held all the time. We started by getting her to sleep on a pillow on our laps on her tummy, then when she was deeply asleep turned her on her back, then we gently carried it to her crib and very gently took her off the pillow and had her in her crib. Now I am not going to lie, she did have several naps on her tummy and a few on her back on the pillow in the crib, but now she is always on her back and no pillow. In fact most of the time I can get her to sleep on her back now.

Also I forgot to mention having a consistent bed time and bed routine is supposed to help ready babies for sleep. Let me tell you after 8 pm Rosabella is a nightmare if we try and stay up, she KNOWS it is bed time.

It does get better, 3.5 weeks is so new to this world, when to eat, how to eat, when to sleep so much to learn.

I use the Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper, and I love it. I can see and touch Gabe at all times, but he has his own safe space to sleep where we are less likely to wake each other up (he's a very fidgety sleeper). Also to echo Grace's Mom, the routine helps alot. I put Gabe down for bed at the same time every single night, and we do the same routine before bed every night. I had trouble with naps early on too, until I started treating naptime like bedtime. Gabe only naps once per day. Even when he was tiny he never napped more than once, and often he never napped at all. He only started sleeping more than 6-8 hours in a 24 hour period when he was around 10 weeks old. Now, with treating naptime like bed time, his one nap per day is generally a solid 2-3 hours, and he is sleeping 6-8 hours at night. 3.5 weeks is so new, though. From what I remember, very little was routine or predictable for us at that time. Hang in there. XX

Thanks for the advice and encouragement ladies!. I just bought a snuza today for her to wear while co-sleeping so ill feel more comfortable. I think that's our best option right now. I have a monitor under the pack n play mattress but its no help if she won't sleep in there! The snuza will also work in her swing and the cosleeper we have that she also won't sleep in yet but may help us transition her. I agree, we just have to figure out what works for her. I think I'm so tired I can barely think most of the time though, so my creativity and efforts are dampened. On a good note she's gone from 6lbs 14oz to 8lbs10oz now in just 3.5 weeks (and of course lost a little weight after she was born). Getting chunky and is so freaking cute :)

Have you tried swaddling her? That often helps. that his my suggestion. I co sleep often and find it helpful but totally understand your worries. We put the crib in our room and when Oscar was really small I used the arms reach co sleeper.

Things will get better, I didn't believe it when people said that but it is true.

Hang in mama. I wish you sleep.

Yep she gets swaddled each time we try to put her down. She generally doesn't break free but sometimes if I leave her to fuss for 45min or more (hoping she calms) then I'll look over and an arm or two has broken free. Her fussing is generally just a lot of grunting and wining. If she gets to the point of crying I pick her up. Or if it's been a while and she's not calming I pick her up. She calms pretty well for a baby her age when being held. Singing, carrying her on her belly like a football, patting her back, swinging her...all help. I love the happiest baby on the block book, grace's mom. Read it for Griff and now follow the 5Ss again. It's just out of our arms they don't seem to work! She'll get there. I agree.

DH is going out of town for 5 days in a week, and my mom will be gone by then. I'm a little worried to do it so sleep deprived, plus I have a dog to take care of, but I will survive somehow. I remind myself there are single mothers like you, Nikki, who do it all the time. I've already let one friend know I may ask for a little help an hour or so a couple days. And I'm looking up easy recipes for things I can reheat easily multiple days in a row. Feeding myself has been an issue when I'm so tired and feeding Elise all the time too! She's still not on the every three hour feelings like I would like her to be. Anyways, appreciate all of the support and advice as always. She's 4.5 weeks now and most people say the first 6-8 are the hardest. Love to you mamas!

I forgot to mention that I use the Sleepsack Swaddle made by Halo, and it is awesome. Gabe LOVES it and sleeps great in it. He has moved up to the next size and is still sleeping like a champ with it. I started using it because he can break free from any swaddle...even the nurses commented on it when he was a day old! =)

You will be OK when your husband is gone. And, seeing that you can do it by yourself will probably feel pretty empowering, too! =)

Jessica, one swaddle trick we learned with our son (from the nurses at the hospital) was to double swaddle. Use two blankets, but perform the swaddle twice. So swaddle with one blanket, then lay swaddled babe down on second blanket and swaddle again. A nice tight burrito.

You are doing great. One of the best pieces of "advice" I got from a friend was: Whatever works for you, whatever you need to do to survive, is the right thing to do. We nursed every nap (when not in daycare) and every night to sleep for 18 months, and rocked every nap and night to sleep until 2.5 years. And he goes to sleep fine on his own now. I would not worry in the least about "good sleep habits"; just do what YOU need to do to get through.

Hi Jessica,

I havent been on for a while and missed your little lady's arrival - massive congratulations! Having had a very similar little boy a few years ago who did not entertain the notion of being put down for more than 5 secs, I feel you!

I fiind white noise is great and seems to work on every baby. I used to put on the hair dryer and leave it run for a few minutes till I was sure the baby was asleep. The vacum or extractor fan also work.

I have mentioned it before but the 90minute nap technique worked fo us also. Basically time the minute the baby wakes up at and then try to put them back down 1hr30min/3hr/4h30 later. Their awake cycle only lasts 90mins so at these intervals it is the best opportunity to get them to sleep. If you observe them as the 90minutes approaches you often see the ques.

I know you posted a week or so back and hope things have already maybe settled down a bit but if not these might be an other few options to try.

I'm still working on things so later posts are great too. This is a work in progress and the only progress I've made is to set back up on the couch so she can sleep on me for now. Instead of trying to lay her down on her own at least once a night, I'm just focussing on feeding her and both of us going back to sleep. I can secure her on me half sitting up and still be comfortable enough to nap here and there. Last night was one of the easiest ones yet because I just accepted this is what's working right now. Every few days or week we will try getting her to sleep on her own again but I'm wearing mysel out trying all the time with no success. I think we have ever swaddle option on the market and there's several that keep her secure, but she still won't calm in them. We also have tried several fans, air purifier, white noise machines like the sleep sheep and none calm here while swaddled by herself. Something will work eventually, but it's nice to hear from all of you and think about options I maybe haven't.

I had a bit of a breakdown 2 days ago thinking about Griffin when a good friend finally made it here to meet Elise. She has two kids and then when she held Elise said, "oh I knew this was going to make me want another one!" It was harmless and innocent but really triggered me. I think it's because for so many people it really is just a choice of having another child. For us though, elise is "another one" yet she's the only one we get to hold and raise and get to know beyond 38 days old. It also happened that she was the exact age Griffin was the day we moved him to hospice when my friend said this. I can't help but compare her first 38 days with what his were like and what we were going through then versus now. It's a lot to digest on a daily basis. So my mostly sleepless nights are welcome for the reasons I have now rather than the reasons I had with griff, however my memories of him are not helping me fall asleep right now either. Usually I she'd tears each time I close my eyes to try to sleep. These weights we carry are tough ones ladies. Thank you for your love and support. I guess i needed to get this off my chest and share.

We had a very difficult time with our son, who had colic and reflux. I never knew that his sleep habits would cause me the most stress and anxiety, so I totally understand where you are coming from!

Each baby is so different in what they want and need, but we did do swaddling, using the ones that velcro because he couldn't work his hands out. And I figured out very early on that he absolutely did not prefer to sleep on his back during the day. So I did put him on his tummy, in a portable crib or on the floor where I could watch him closely. Patted his bottom to made his head jiggle, sounds funny, I know) but it worked like a charm.

Starting at about your daughter;s age, I tried hard to really watch for his sleepy cues. He would only yawn when he was tired (before he was cranky and out of control crying). When I saw the yawn, I snatched him up and went through our swaddle, tummy, and noise routine. If I got him down before he was completely asleep, he learned quickly how to fall asleep on his own. (Quickly, meaning over the course of about 2 weeks).

You will get all kinds of recommendations, but I highly recommend the book Happiest Baby on the Block by Kim West. We sleep trained our son starting at 2 weeks, even with colic, and to this day he is a fantastic sleeper (4 years old). He was able to fall asleep without being rocked or held starting at 6 weeks. A huge milestone to any busy mommy. You might also check out Harvey Karp's Happiest Baby on the Block. Got me through MANY sleepless and colicky days! Great tips and strategies that REALLY do work!

Best of luck to you. Stick with it! You're her mommy and you will know what's best- ust try to have patience and keep true to whatever you decide to do.

Oops- I meant Good Night, Sleep Tight (The Sleep Lady) by Kim West, and Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp.

Be good to yourself, mom. You've experienced a lot, and we have emotional burdens to carry that others may not understand. Be patient with yourself :)