Thanks Merry for all you do for us & Glow! We really appreciate it!

I can't speak to parenting after loss (I don't belong on this thread).You are a loss mamma...3 years schmee-years. If you are sad & want some camaraderie then go for it! No matter how many years out you know there will always be that sense of sadness. No shame.

Peace

I can't probably write much as I type one handed with my rainbow in my other arm. I appreciate your post though Merry and am so thankful for all you have done here. Time will never heal all of our wounds and when sadness and grief crawl back so strongly I have come to think that I NEED to let it take over for a bit, as you maybe need to too if you can with everything else going on in your life. I have found it a bit harder to grieve though now that I have a 2 week old baby. She has been so wonderful for us, yet finding the time to reflect and give time to my son who died has been almost impossible. I think that is probably true for many parents dealing with loss, whether with older children or rainbows. It may have even been your post a month or so ago that advised everyone to continue active grieving, because you/the author had not and was struggling a lot again (extreme paraphrasing). Don't be ashamed you can not always be the pillar for other BLMs. Everyday holds something different for each of us and we just have to embrace that as best possible, offering support when we feel strong and seeking it when the weight of our loss feels too heavy to bear on our own. Much love to you.

Merry - I feel compelled to tell you how much your comments on my earliest posts meant to me. It was about 15 months ago I came to glow - and your story, your experience, your survival, really offered a light at the end of the tunnel for me. As a fellow baby loss mom who shared some hard decisions in those earliest of days. So, please don't fret that you aren't the beacon for us. You should know you already have been for me.

Thank you for being here too. I have really noticed what valuable and nuanced comments you have made recently on a variety of posts - it has helped me so much to hear your words.

Merry,
I'm sorry that you've been having a rough time lately. Whether you are three years out or thirty years out, it is absolutely to be expected. I second what Annie said about your comments in my early days here. I was absolutely blind with grief, and you are one of the people whose words really comforted me. Please don't be ashamed that you are not "fixed." We will never be fixed. Our children were taken from us, and that is just a horrific thing, no matter how far removed we are from the loss. XX

Merry, you so often seem to say what I'm feeling. I'm coming up on 2 years since Charlotte died and I often feel like on one hand I'm so much "better" and "back to normal" and people expect me to have moved on and be "fixed" now that we have a wonderful, happy, one-year-old rainbow -- but on the other hand I'm still horribly broken and sad and so ANGRY and the grief sometimes just blindsides me. Em said something recently, and I think you wrote something similar on your blog recently, about the rage and anger that's been so consuming recently. YES. I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one who some days just feels so ... lost.

I've recently had the opportunity to be the ambassador for new loss moms, and it feels so very strange. I feel like I still look to you and Angie and Catherine W and Aoife and Josh / Kari and so many of the other parents who really held my hand through their words during those early dark days, weeks and months. And yet, most of those ambassadors of mine have lately been so quiet. Their blogs have gone on hiatus or they've written about how they're not feeling the need to write so much anymore. I wonder ... do we just get to a point where we're done talking about our losses? What happens to the grief and daily life 3-5 years out that has made those people quieter? Will I be there, too?