At the risk of sounding totally nuts, I need to ask you guys a question.

Over the past few weeks, I have had several dreams in which Gabriel is a girl. He is not Charlotte in the dream. He is my current 11 week old baby, but he is a girl. Several times I have woken up almost surprised to find my real-life boy, having to remind myself that I don't have a (living) daughter, I have a son. WTF? Has this happened to anyone else?

When I found out that Gabe was a boy, I was devastated. However, I came to terms with it and I'm so happy that I have a son. As soon as I fully realized/internalized that having another baby would not make my grief for Charlotte any easier, it no longer mattered what the gender was. I would have understood having these dreams back when I was grieving over the fact that I will never parent a daughter, but now? It doesn't make sense to me. Maybe I'm just starting to process the experience of having back to back pregnancies and two full-term births in less than a year? Or just processing my daily grief over never being able to experience with Charlotte the daily life that I have with Gabe?

Sorry if I sound totallly bonkers.

I don't think you are nuts :) I had a dream the other day where Bobbie was a boy not Freddie, only one but I woke up thinking how weird it was because I'd have expected it to be Freddie at least and I always wanted a girl this time so it wasn't because I was initially sad about the gender. I think we probably have to expect all sorts of dreams and triggers. There's so many things that make me think I'm losing my bloody mind.
I do think it makes sense that your mind is trying to process Gabe and a life with a baby boy when it has been so consumed and set on a life with a little girl, even though you are happy and glad you have Gabe, there's still going to be deep feelings that long for that life with a little girl, with Charlotte. When I'm really down, I still think about and miss the life I had/would have had with Freddie, I still wonder about it even as I love Bobbie beyond measure and can't imagine a life without her in it now.
But no, there's nothing nuts about anything we as baby loss mothers experience, I basically give all of us a free pass to be as bat crap crazy as our minds need us to be in order to get by :)

Thank you, Danielle. It's good to know that I'm not completely crazy! It has been the strangest mix of awake/asleep real/not real stuff I have ever experienced! I guess my relatively mild sleep deprivation is also contributing to it, as well.

I hope you and Bobbie are doing well and that things have settled down a bit. Gabe and I are doing OK. He has some rough nights, but on the whole he's a good sleeper. The neediness during the day has not let up at all, however. He still insists on being held constantly or he just shrieks nonstop. I'm coping with it better than I was, though every day is really a challenge. It helps that he has started napping during the day, thank goodness. Until about two weeks ago, he NEVER slept during the day. I mean, not at all. So, the only break that I ever got was when he was asleep at night, and the other 19 hours a day were nonstop. Now that he is napping, that break during the day makes a huge difference! Too bad it came just in time for my return to work next week. =( Anyway...hope you girls are doing great!!

I identify so much with this - I've had some very odd dreams since having my second baby in a year.

I'm quite new to the discussion boards here but have read the main glow entries for the last year since I lost my first baby boy, R, at 23 weeks due to prem labour / incompetent cervix on July 19th 2012. His brother D was born on 18th July 2013.

2 babies in one year is so mind-bending! I've had some dreams that I'm holding D but he is actually R, in my dream I then panic because I don't know where D is.

I can only think that it's my brain trying to remember my 2 boys but only being able to conjure up images of the boy I get to see everyday.

Sorry, not very well explained perhaps but I don't think your dreams sound nuts at all. Our brains are trying to work out some really awful fundamental things - we should have one more baby than we do.

I'm so glad This board is here. I've found having D to be the ultimate experience of highs and lows and reading posts like this really reassures me that we are doing ok and that sometimes it takes another BLM to help put things in perspective.

Katlea - This is so simple, but so true. We should have one more baby than we do. Our bodies know it, our hearts know it, and our minds know it. No wonder crazy things go on in our subconscious sometimes! Thank you for understanding, and I'm sorry that R is not with you.

My only child lived till the age of 3 and she passed on boxing day 2012. I am currently 6 month pregnant with my second child (don't know gender) and I had a dream where I had another little girl and they appeared about 2 or 3 in the dream. They kept going after Janice's things (there are a few things that I can't hand down- too many emotions attatched) and I kept telling them, "those are Janice's"
They seemed to understand and then I would see them going after another and the second time I said "those are Janice's"
They responded "but I am Janice"
I said "No you are (insert name)" (I don't want to put in the name used in my dream)
They said, "I am (insert name from above) but I was Janice.)
End dream.
It made me feel kind of at peace but also a little uncomfortable because I know this baby isn't Janice and I never would expect them to be. But the thought of her coming back to me... Now I am the one sounding crazy.