I'm missing my baby girl tonight. We're back in a place I haven't been since I was pregnant with her, before things went wrong. Lots of memories here, we had so much hope. Floating in the ocean, walking the shore, all I could think was, "last time I did this, she was HERE, in me, ALIVE". I cuddle my 3 month old and I cannot accept that without her death he would not be here. I know I should feel grateful, but I miss her. I want her. I've been feeling more hopeful and happy lately, but this is tough. Thinking of a beautiful 8 month girl who is not here just breaks my heart.

I get it. I know exactly what my son is missing when I look at my other children.

I'm sorry she is not with you. And sorry for the complicated nature of your family, that you have children in a timeframe that you would not have chosen. Most of all, I'm sorry that your daughter died.

Sending you peace tonight,
Annie

Sending hugs to you, Aurelia. You and I are on a similar timeline with our new babies...I have definitely felt the immense relief and elation I experienced after M's safe birth wearing off in the last couple weeks and a lot more of the heavy sorrow I remember creeping back in. I wish you could have both your babies, like I wish I could have mine and know I can't, and it's all so baffling...I wonder and wonder and wonder: how did this happen to us? And there is never an answer, is there?

I hear you, even though this beautiful baby girl is wonderous and like a balm, the more I watch her grow and take in our love and care, the more my heart aches for the beautiful baby boy who never got the chance

Sometimes I am gutted by how much I miss Charlotte. It happens at unexpected moments. I'm so grateful for Gabriel. As Danielle said, he is a balm for my soul. But missing his sister is still so very hard. Every single thing that he does is met with the question in the back of my mind..."What would Charlotte have looked like doing that? What would Charlotte be doing now?" Just today during a diaper change I was telling Gabe how much I miss his sister, and that I just can't believe that she isn't in the other room getting into things while I change his diaper. Fourteen months later, I still can't believe that this happened to us.