We get rid of the reflux but now have a screaming writhing unhappy baby and don't have a clue how to help her. Does anyone else have colic problems? Amanda I think it was you who def did, did you just have to ride it out? We are so tired im sure its getting dangerously so and I'm heartsick watching her in such distress being unable to help

Danielle, I'm so sorry to hear that Bobbie is colicky. It truly is AWFUL, especially when you're already reeling from a prior baby loss and feel like you ought to be grateful for every moment but really you just want to chuck your baby out the window. I can tell you honestly that there were a few times I truly understood how parents can shake their babies. My very best advice for those moments is to make sure all of her needs have been met (clean diaper, full belly, burped, etc.) and then give Bobbie a hug, tell her how very much you love her, and then put her down in her bed -- in a safe place -- and just leave the room for 10 minutes. Let her scream. Put in earplugs. I finally realized that Freya was going to scream no matter what I did, whether I was holding her or not, and that for both of our sakes I needed to step away for a few minutes. Also, don't feel ashamed about putting in earplugs while you're holding her. Trust me, you will still be able to hear her. It will just take the edge off of the piercing shrieks.

Unfortunately, in my experience, we just had to wait it out. It took Freya a good 3-4 months to truly outgrow the colic. It happened gradually, but it did happen. One day we got to the end of the day and realized we weren't quite as frazzled as we had been, and that she hadn't cried nearly as much.

Have you sought help from a counselor? I really wish I had. I'm actually seeing someone new in a couple of days to talk about PPD and PTSD. I'm pretty sure I had both pretty bad for Freya's first six months or so, and still have trouble with both even now (she's 11 months now). The colic and nearly constant screaming and grief and everything else those first few months really f'd me up. I so, so, so wish I'd realized it and asked for help sooner. Honestly, even writing this response makes me tense and edgy just remembering how awful it was. If I hear a baby cry _that_ cry, I have an immediate, visceral negative response. My shoulders hunch, I kinda close in on myself, I get sweaty, and my heart rate jumps through the roof.

I really wish I could tell you that there's some magical fix, but there's just not and it's awful and I'm so sorry. We tried two different reflux meds, sensitive formula, I went off all dairy and caffeine, we tried simethicone and gripe water, we tried a hot water bottle on her belly, we tried holding her in all different positions, we tried long walks, we tried bouncing seats and swings, we tried babywearing, etc. etc. etc. The truth is, if it really is colic, the only thing you can do is wait for her to outgrow it. And get help and make time for _yourself_.

I will tell you, though, that these days Freya is pretty freakin' spectacular. She's a happy, silly, sweet, wonderful kid. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Hang on, mama, it _does_ get better.

Thankyou Amanda, it's truly incredibly exhausting and upsetting, I'm hoping beyond hope that this is a few days of tummy trouble, constipation or something and not full blown colic but time will tell, right now I'm trying to stay sane and awake. At least there's light at the end of the tunnel however long the tunnel may be. Thankyou for helping me feel normal and much less guilty about coping with this

The best advice I got was not to desperately try to stop her from screaming but to go along with it and help her „let it all out“. These little ones don’t have any other release than screaming and if something is bothering them, that’s what they need to do.

Once I accepted that it got easier. I sat with her or held her when she screamed, but didn’t try to distract her much. More like lending an ear (earplugs!!!), and giving comfort. I tried to “fire her on” in my thoughts to be positive about it, and it helped.

With her, the phase lasted about 10 weeks. Very hard 10 weeks. She was not colicky but so easily overstimulated that I practically had to sit in the bedroom with the blinds down with her to have a bit of peace and quiet. Just a visit from someone for 10mins ruined the day. A little walk down the street and a loud truck roaming past - that was it. Having to leave the house with her for say a doctor’s appointment was hell. She’d scream for hours. Strange. She totally grew out of that, almost from one day to another.

These phases can seem like an eternity but try and remember that it WILL change and get better, it always does. Hang in there, sending you love.

I hadn't thought of the screaming like that B but it does make sense. Thankyou.

I walked up and down my street with Luke in a snugly while he wailed. The fresh air smelled good. In Canada there is a video called the purple crying video. IIt helped me. Good luck. I promise it will end.

It's called the period of PURPLE crying. Sorry.

Occaisional visitor and former colicky baby here. We've actually just recently discovered that I was likely colicky because of an extreme lip tie (google it). Tongue ties, more well known, can do the same thing. Just wanted to mention this, seeing as it took 37 (!) years to figure out a likely explanation in my case.

I can also say I have no memory of my miserable first six months. Apparently it was a complete horror show for my parents -- they still shudder over it. They certainly had to leave me alone to cry for the sake of their sanity. As far as I can tell, this has had no effect on me. Don't worry that you are harming your baby by leaving the room for a bit.

Apologies for the anonymity. I don't have it in me to get further engaged in this community at this time.

The Happiest Baby on the Block video was the only thing between us and complete screaming pandemonium from 5 weeks till 12 weeks. It is on Amazon as an instant download for $10. Have your DH watch it, mine became so good at calming Rosabella down I was jealous for a while.

Thankyou so much for your experiences and advice. I'm lucky to have you all

Danielle,
I don't stop in here often these days. My son was born a year after my daughter died at her birth. While he did bring color bursting back in my life, I can hardly describe how hard that first colicky year was. But you know. At six months, I went off dairy. That helped. At twelve months, he went a whole day with out crying. Now, at 16 months, he is finally growing and happy. How do we make it through? So much trauma piled upon trauma. My only advice...be gentle with yourself, be patient, and simply keep going and waiting. You are not alone. It will not last forever. Your baby will survive this.

Much love to you. It's so hard to have a colicky baby after a loss. But it's not uncommon and it's nothing you did or didn't do.