We had professional newborn photo's taken of Samuel Jem. The photographer has been asked by the local community paper to submit some photo's of bub's and has asked us if we would like to put Sam's pics in- the usual newborn photo segment, that all include a little spiel, which we write. We have been meaning to submit his pics to the paper, because I do want to announce and celebrate his arrival with the wider world.

But I've twisted myself into knots with what to say.. I always want to acknowledge Jack, I hate leaving Jack out, or pretending that Sam is our first child. But I wonder how Samuel feels (will feel when older) that his announcements are tied to the death of his big brother. (we'll keep the paper for his memory book). I don't want to joy of his arrival to have that shadow over it, tho it doesn't seem a shadow to us, it may to others or to him later. Then I think it's no different to the 'normal' announcements that say 'little brother to xxx"

I was going to word it "Samuel Jem was born on the 22 May 2013 to joyful parents Via and David. He is their second child, being a very special 'rainbow' baby, coming after the loss of his brother Jack, who was stillborn 3 years ago." Or, just not include Jack at all? Or jsut say 'little brother to Jack" (without mentioning that Jack is actually, um, you know, dead?!) I just don't know!

Arg, my head feels like it's going to explode. Anyone else faced this dilemma? What did you do? How did you word these announcements?
xx

We only sent an email announcement to friends and family, and my husband was adamant about not having Shoshanna's name included, for the reasons you mentioned. He said everyone reading the announcement already knew about our loss and that Julia is our second child, and he wanted the announcement to be just about Julia. At first I was sad about this, but he felt so strongly and I was having a hard time with the terminology. I also figured that Julia will know about Shoshanna when she's older, and that's what really matters. Sorry if I'm not being too helpful, but I wanted you to know that not everyone includes the name of their lost baby and that's okay. I certainly felt and feel Shoshanna's presence in Julia's birth and now, so in that regard she is always included. Xoxo

In my circle, every birth is heralded with a formal birth announcement sent by post to all friends and family. I struggled with whether to include my girls in Kai Luna's announcement until I looked back at all the cards we'd received over the years and realized that older siblings were ALWAYS mentioned by name in announcing subsequent babies' arrival. For me that sealed it. If everyone else can include firstborns or older children, so can I. This type of announcement is about the family and my girls are very much a part of my family. So we designed our card like any other and under my name and my husband's name we added "carrying Arwyn & Zola in our hearts." In the email announcement, we did the same.

I'm with AtoZ. I think it's beautiful to mention siblings, and if it were me, I would include Jack's name.

Personally, I think that your suggested wording is beautiful and apt: you use "joyful" and "very special", so there is no sense of any shadow. Equally, your other suggestion about "little brother to Jack" works too - he is Jack's brother! - it's just a statement of fact. I'm sure it will be a treasured announcement whatever you decide. I myself would definitely include Jack's name if I were in your shoes.

I struggled with this topic for our Christmas cards last year. I just didn't want to leave Olivia out but was afraid of what to write. So, like a previous poster, I added all of our names and Olivia-always in our hearts. Whatever you decide, Jack is loved and missed, that is clear.

I didn't do a birth announcement, but I know that I would want to mention Charlotte if I did. I don't think it takes away from your joy over Samuel to mention Jack, especially since you explicitly said how joyful you are, and because siblings are often mentioned in birth announcements. Sucks to even have to think about these things, though. XX

I did not mention Grace in Rosabella's birth announcement, but it was also just a photo card, not something in the newspaper. I think if I had more space to write, that I would just say little sister to Grace and not elaborate. That way Grace is included in our family, but that the post is about Rosabella. PS We signed our Christmas letter to friends and family M, A, Grace and Baby Bear, she will always have a place in our family and I don't care if recognizing that scares people.

It's a tricky one for sure. The photo card announcements we sent out we didn't mention Jack on. But we did include a photo that had us holding Sam, and Jack's special Bear, so a family of 4 not 3- the family that received the cards all know who that bear represents.

I just submitted this little spieI for the newspaper:
"Samuel Jem was born on the 22 may 2013, to delighted parents V and D. A content, happy baby full of smiles, Samuel is their second child and is bringing a world of joy to his grandparents, S, M and T. He is a special blessing for their family, coming after the loss of his big brother Jack who was stillborn 3 years ago."
Sometimes I feel really strongly about not being silent about stillbirth. That it's ok to say it out loud to the wider community, partly so other parents of loss don't feel that shroud of silence and partly becasue I don't want to have to censor myseIf and feel like my reality is being invalidated. I feel comfortable with this decision now, so it must be the right one for us. I guess in the end we just do what we're comfortable with.

Great decision Via. I really appreciate you not making stillbirth more invisible. If we have another I intend to put "and the late Theo" in the birth notice, but my worries about it have been more that he was born before 20 weeks so doesn't officially exist on a birth or death certificate. My mother does lots of genealogy and often hunts down certificates from birth notices etc, I feel like I'm naming a non existent person in the newspaper.

But I know I'm not lying, our little boy did exist and I will not be silenced about that either.

I think that sounds perfect, Via.

Via, I really like that! I'm glad to hear other mamas' examples, too. I feel like our family tree is already complicated, and we don't know yet if we'll have a rainbow baby by me or adoption. I agree with you, Nikki, it's terrible to have to ponder these issues.

I have always made our children's birth announcements just about them. We are mentinoned as parents but no sibs are mentioned. I'm glad I did it this way because Nathan was done that way too...although we did call him our VeRy special rainbow baby. We didn't elaborate beyonf that. People who know what rainbow means get it, others don't. We also capitalised the V and the R in VeRy as an inside joke with ourselves about the Vasectomy Reversal...get it V R...hee hee. Nathan is special as a rainbow but also that the VR worked! Anyway, just my two cents and I have to admit I'm writing before reading all the responses.

Ha, love the inside joke there Em, VeRy funny..

Little brother to Jack is perfect :-)

Via- I love what you wrote. I commend you for not steering away from mentioning stillbirth. If we can give one gift to our lost babies, I think it's to tell the world that they existed and remove the shadows around stillbirth. Beautiful announcement.