I began my ivf journey in August of 2018 recently after I started a new job. I was not even married yet. My husband struggled with a low sperm count and wanted to give up, we have a ten year age difference. I felt helpless on how to help him and prior to my new job I worked for a surgery center where one of the head doctors was a board certified infertility specialist for men. After my husband heard the words from his PCP “I’m sorry to tell you this but I don’t think you’ll ever be able to father a child” that was the end for him for starting a family. I quickly told this doctor my circumstances and he wanted to help after begging my husband to go to him he felt relieved and hopeful because we would try ivf. Then ivf began, I shortly eloped after my consult and starting some of the medications to then be put on hold for the lab being closed for cleaning and inspection. So then we began again, the prospects were high from our Endo and we were so hopefully, I managed to pop out 23 eggs and my husband fertilize 18 of them, 14 survived, 2 embryos developed. Sad but still hopeful since I knew nothing was guaranteed. Transfer finally came and that same say I was told while on Valium in a cold surgery room that one of my embryos didn’t survive. They continued to implant the other one. I had so many questions but wanted to stay strong for my husband and I and be optimistic. After my two week wait I was told I was pregnant but it would not be a viable pregnancy yet they wanted me to continue the injections. It crushed me, intuitively I felt this will never happen. Then 48 hrs passed and they said your numbers tripled “you’re pregnant”! I continued my meds with hope and dedication and blood test ever two days until a month and half later I received the call my numbers dropped and I would miscarry. It last several weeks until my hcg levels were negative. I started at 30-31 now 32 a miserable job later, a failing marriage and the thought I will never be able to mother a child. The posts I’ve read have made me feel apprehensive about sharing my story because of all the loss that has been experienced. But I too feel loss and fear. I hate comparing sufferings and nor I ever will. I wanted to share this experience because I am scared I will never be able to experience being a mother and that I grieve everyday.

Jasmine, This discussion board seems much less active than the others I think because infertility and not ttc add yet another layer of difficulty. I wanted to write and say you are welcome here. You have experienced loss, not only of the pregnancy but all the dreams and hopes you had for your child. You did everything you could to support that much desired pregnancy, and yet sadly it was not to be. I see you and stand beside you in the pain, anxiety, and grief. I'm loosely quoting Brene Brown: "Love is the last thing we need to ration right now. Comparative suffering is dangerous. Empathy is not finite. When we practice empathy, we create more empathy...Hurt is hurt, and every time we honor our own struggle and the struggles of others by responding with empathy, the healing that results affects all of us." I hope that you are finding ways to care for yourself as best you can, knowing that that may look different from moment to moment.

Have you been trying to conceive? You've been doing it the absolute wrong way. Believe me, you have to try this. I'm Sarah Weston. I'm from Wisconsin, USA. Married for 11 years with infertility, my infertility journey has ended with the help of Dr Krish Spiritual. I have joined many infertility journey blogs online just to have a comforted heart over my problem and this has helped me to find the right man to help me cure this devastating problem. As a patient of endometriosis stage 3, it was really difficult to have a child but with the help of Dr Krish I got fertile and conceived within days of herbal treatment and before I knew it, I was finally pregnant. I never believed it was possible after 11 years of marriage. Thanks to everyone who has helped me both mentally and emotionally through this journey. Dr Krish solved my problem for me and I promise to manifest his work to other people and friends. Email Dr Krish at lordkrishshrine@gmail.com

To all those posting in this thread, I apologize for the horrible spam from "Sarah Weston". There were comments on front-page posts, too, which I was able to delete but because of some weird features of this site, it's taking me longer to delete from the forums. I'm sorry if that post was upsetting to you. I'm working to have it removed! Jen (GITW)