search discussions

glow in the woods

front page
the archives
what is this place?
the contributors
comment policy

Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

not ttc | infertility after loss > Age related infertility after loss

I wasn't even sure what forum to write this post. After losing our daughter one year ago, I am struggling to conceive a rainbow and now dealing with age related infertility. I have tried fertility focused planning, and a cycle of IVF that failed (not a big surprise at almost 44 years old). I truly feel my family needs a baby to heal. I need a baby to heal. We have so much love to share still. We have one living son. I am certain that my doctor is going to recommend an egg donor as the next step. This idea does not bother me except for the cost. After all, the last baby I produced died from a rare genetic disease and my age greatly increases my risks for chromosomal problems. My therapist suggested that I need to be okay with all of the potential outcomes. How can I be? The only satisfying outcome is to have my baby back.

I am wondering if there is anyone who can offer advice on how they processed infertility after loss and at what point you decided enough was enough? Is there anyone who has experience using donor egg after loss? I know that trying again opens us up to the potential of another loss and that is terrifying.
July 18, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAnon
I used donor egg after my loss. I have a two year old now. She is the light in our lives. It wasn't as costly as I thought it would be. If you have any questions just post them. I'm writing this very quickly, so I'm sorry if my response is short, but I'm at work.
July 19, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAnon
Thank you for sharing that you had success after loss with an egg donor. I am starting to feel that this may be the best way for us. It was reassuring to hear it was not as expensive as you thought. If you have more time later I would love to hear how you came to that decision. So glad you have your daughter.
July 19, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAnon
Sorry this is so late a response. We considered adoption, but adoption is so cost prohibitive and time prohibitive. People say all the time "just adopt", like it's so easy. It's not. Add to time and cost, there was the adoption process itself, where you had to be approved. We did not like that idea. People have kids all the time, without needing approval. We did not want to leave our fate - having a living child or not - in the hands of someone else's approval. Yes, those checks and balances are probably there for a good reason, but it can also be a deterrent.
So we looked into egg donation. It was an 'easy' decision, considering we had already gone through numerous IVFs. We did not want to be parents years later. We were turning 40, and had been ready to parent since starting to try 5 years earlier.
She is our child. Carried her for 10 months, nursed her, love her, adore her. Every night I realize how lucky we are to have her.
I'm again at work, so this is a hurried response. If you have any more concerns, let me know.
August 11, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAnon
My doctor has suggested another IVF cycle trying to get enough of my own eggs for PGS. The statistics for success are poor in that only 12% of people my age find even one normal egg. I now have to pay out of pocket for my meds so am thinking that money might be better off spent where there is an actual chance for success and the outcome of a real living baby to hold, take home, and watch grow up. I also don't think adoption is right for us for many of the same reasons you stated. - Thank you so much for sharing how you came to the decision.
August 22, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAnon