So I am 35. I have PCOS and need lots of meds and IUI's to get prego...
Buried 3 babies. My first preg was a triplet one that ended at 24 weeks in 3/07..
Three girls. All made to the the NICU, one survived to come home and is doing awesome dispite bring born at 1 pound 3 oz.
Fast forward to 2009. Had a cerclage put in to prevent premature labor. Never ever thought about dead baby. So at 37 weeks our son died. He was 7.12 and perfect. No cause of death found. It's been 7 months and we want to try to give our daughter a sibling and another child for our family!

The issue comes in when I tell friends/family about wanting to get back on the horse, so to speak, and try for a baby.
I feel almost ashamed for wanting another one. The looks from them are not of hopeful futures, but of scared and defeated...

My question to you guys, if how do I deal with this. Do I just go on and try to get prego again without telling my people closest to me b/c they are not giving me what I need?

I haven't talked much about it. There are certain friends who are very supportive, mostly having gone through pregnancy loss themselves - they understand the drive I have. Most people assume that we will try again and know that we switched to a new OB and are having batteries of tests run to try and locate anything fixable for the next pregnancy and know that I will be highly monitored.

But everyone seems to have their opinion on when is the right time for us to try again and to what extent we should try. I know my parents go sort of back and forth, because they want me to happy and healthy and don't want me to hurt this way again. I know some people think I should take a full 6 months to a year off (it'll be 4 months Christmas Eve). Some people think I should wait to make sure my doctor doesn't want to do any more testing, some people think I should wait until I've lost at least 30 pounds, some people think I need to get off anti-depressants . . .

But the reality is that the only people who can really make that decision are my husband and I because we know better the full risks - physical, emotional, financial - of our decisions. Secondary to that are my doctor and therapist. No one else gets any kind of say.

Often, I think people want what is best for us, but what they perceive as being best may not be. I know already, from the discussions on trying again, that the next pregnancy (despite the precautions we are taking) will not be greeted with joy and happiness and hope. We've had too many losses and we thought we were ok (if not quite out of the woods yet) when we lost Gabriel. And I know all too well how fragile it all is at every stage.

It is hard to see the bated breath and the worry lines when you hope for support and joy and I don't know any way around that. If people think it's a bad idea, you may not get the support you need from family. But perhaps there are communities (online or local) that really understand what you've been through and can relate and provide better support because they get it from your view and aren't just concerned about your well-being, you know?

Good luck, hon. None of this easy.

I have thought about this a bit. I think that it may be worth saying to people (when you announce your pregnancy) that each and every baby deserves its own joy. Even if that baby is here only a few months it deserves to be loved. I have to tell my parents that I am pregnant again - it's been 3 months since stillbirth at 38 weeks. Anyone who gives the worried look will be told the above. It's your decision with your husband and I am pretty sure that not one person who has lost a baby would question it because we all relate. We know the overwhelming need to hold a baby, we know that despite the risk, the fear, the weight gain, the emotional pain, the chance to hold that baby is worth all of it.

PS never be ashamed of wanting another baby - you were designed that way! To be honest, since "everything happened" I have an internal little "stuff you" attitude towards people's naive judgements. They have no idea at all. Absolutely no idea.

This is something I too have been worrying about. I'm 6 weeks pregnant after losing my baby in July, full term with no cause yet known.
I don't want to tell anyone yet, (I've so far told two close friends who are sworn to secrecy), because I'm so afraid of having to deal with other's reactions, to their worry, their concern, or even their hope and joy.
I like Caz' "stuff you" idea, but if I'm honest that's not gonna work this time for me.
I hope you do find the support you deserve.

Judith, I think you need to do what you feel is right in your heart. It's really no one else's business what you and your husband decide. It's your life, and you have every right to do only what you feel is right. I like the "stuff it" comment. I feel the same way. If someone doesn't like it, well, to hell with them.

My huband and I just lost our first son to a genetic anomaly last week. They don't know what really happened, only that it's some kind of problem between my husband and I. We have a 1 in 4 chance that it'll happen with every pregnancy. And personally, I don't give a crap what anyone around us has to say when we try again. It's my life, and it's your life. Do what makes you happy. Because in the end, you and your husband are the ones who have to live with whatever decision you make. My heart goes out to the both of you, and I wish you much luck and happiness in the future. Take care..........